Well, things are a little calmer here at work. Several of our sales regions have hit 100% of their quotas so it no longer smells like death on the sales floor. Bring it on! I got a 3% raise the other day too, so things are looking up. I'm going to be transitioned into doing payroll for the entire sales floor and my manager has high hopes that she'll be able to make me team leader by the end of the year. I've given myself a goal of one year working here (or when we buy a house) before I start looking for another job, but just checking our site I've seen some nice one's go by. I know I'd be able to find something at the drop of a hat, but will the money be as good as it is here? Hmmmmm.

I’m going to JoJo’s wedding this Saturday. Poor girl has been making most of the plans herself and I wonder if she’ll have any hair left when she’s done pulling it out. SherBear is coming up from Florida for the wedding! I’m so psyched to see her and see pictures of their new house. I’m quite envious of them! FedexMan won’t be able to join us, as he’s busy building a shrine to Star Wars at the new house. At least SherBear won’t have to watch, and she has plenty of rooms to decorate! Pity poor Blixx who not only has to attend a wedding where we know no one other than the bride and groom (& SherBear), but he'll have to listen to me and Sher play catch up for hours on end. I don't think they'll even have open bar, so I anticipate that this will be a long expensive night. I'm thinking that I'll even volunteer to drive us home. Wedding is two hours away, damn it! We were thinking of staying over, but I prefer to stay in my own bed with my own cat on my head.

Sunday we’re going over to Youngster’s house to hang out. It should be interesting to socialize with her outside of work. I'm hoping to stop in at The Border and grab some excellent margurita's. Two weekends in a row!!! We’ve got a lead on a headshop in MA, which is quite exciting. Otherwise it’s another drive to NH and I’m pretty much all set with that state for a while. I’ve got to give Tempest and Purge a call this weekend too – I think they’ve both fallen off the face of the planet. Tempest has never gone this long without updating her blog, so I expect some serious poetry when she makes her return. I'm dying to know how her job interview went too.

Another new Farscape tonight! Let that VCR hum, because we’re going to BBQ over at Toad’s place tonight. Blixx was talking about kayaking, but I’m not sure the weather will hold out. Crapass (copyright Nightskye)! I think I left my car windows open. Oh well, let’s hope the rain can wait until 5:30!


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label’s instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On bottle of Boots children's cough medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


Have an awesome weekend and I’ll chat at you all Monday.

Into the future…

Work sucks and I'm even working late. The end of the month in a sales office is a zoo!
Ug, I feel like I've walked at least 10 miles today just running around with contracts.
I've got nothing left for you. I'm sorry.

Deathclock

And some jokes...

A mother and father took their 6-year-old to a nude beach.
>As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies
>had boobs bigger than his mother's and asked why.
>She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
>The boy pleased with the answer, went back to play in the ocean
>but returned to tell his mother that many of the men had larger
>"you-know-whats" than his dad.
>His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
>Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
>Shortly after, the boy returned again. He told his mother, "Daddy is
>talking to the dumbest woman on the beach and the longer he talks the
>dumber he gets.

********************************************************

> A man in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the
> air, the wind catches it for a few seconds then it comes crashing back down.
> He tries this a few more times all the while his wife is watching from the
> kitchen window. Muttering to herself how men need to be told how
> to do everything she opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need
> more tail."
> The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
> "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite!"


Into the future...

I don’t have much to say again today. I went home and had a nuttie vacuuming the house, including the couch. We’ve only got 2 cats, but you’d think there was a herd of them! Cat hair as far as the eye can see, so I decided to take it down a notch or two.

I made tequila lime chicken on the Forman grill for dinner, with mashed potatoes and veggies. It was quite yummy, but Blixx hates it when I use the grill because it’s such a bitch to clean. I then tell him that if he brought our little grill home he could BBQ them for me, to which he responds that he doesn’t want to grill in the middle of our parking lot. This is an ongoing bitch for us that ends in a stalemate. Until we get a house and a REAL grill, he’ll be peeling crust off the Forman grill. Ha!

We watched TV and went up the bed early because Blixx had to be in Boston at some god awfully early time for a shoot. Witchblade was on and was again a good episode. There’s nothing like a strong woman in a belly shirt kicking some serious ass. Spy TV had a practical joke that had me rolling. This girl is hired to temp as a receptionist at a law office with 6 lawyers whose foreign sounding names are impossible to pronounce, and she has to say the full name every phone call. They then make several prank calls to her with strange names and weird requests. In general, they made her life a living hell. The girl finally snapped and asked a customer “What the Hell do you want?!” As a former temp survivor, this cracked my ass up! Such an evil prank to play.

Some Homer quotes:

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs."

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to all of life's problems!"

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really Half-assed. That's the American way."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name.

“We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

“Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"

Also, check out these funny pictures you might not have seen yet.


Have a great day everyone!
Into the future…

Bill made me dinner last night – an inventive pasta salad with a cold veggie salad and bread. Very tasty! I know I’m contradicting myself again, but this freelance thing is working out very well for me after all! We just hung out at home last night and watched TV.

Speaking of TV, did any of you catch the most recent South Park where they said SHIT 167 times? Wacky stuff! Funny stuff too! Very strange to be sufing through cable and come across a Cartman shitstorm.

Fear Factor was on. Friends from work had been raving about it so I was psyched to get grossed out, but I was disappointed with it. At one point they were eating bugs – Survivor rip-off much? Certainly not the rats that I’d heard about. I have to say that the editing was very good – they moved it along so you didn’t have to watch each contestant do each and every little thing. Can you tell that I hang out with my hubby too much? I was hoping for more physical challenges, but we'll see what next week brings. Judging from the episode last night, I think they are overpaying for our viewing entertainment. $50K seems a bit much for what they had to do.

Our old friend Eskimo from FSC called last night, wanting to talk to Blixx about possible work. More on that in the future.

I’ve decided that I either need to give up shopping all together, or get myself some girlfriends to help, because lately I can’t seem to find anything I’m looking for. I can’t even find anything I’m NOT looking for! I went to the mall last night fully intending to spend some cash and I came away with NOTHING! I even got shut down at Payless, who is having a terrific sale right now, by the way. Defeated, I went to Kay Jewelers to pick up my bracelet that was sent out to repair a link. I take a look at it, and I swear it’s exactly the same! I’ll spare you the sorted details of me ripping the bimbo behind the counter a new asshole, and just say that they are repairing it again – and this time the right way. Ug! There’s no such thing as customer service any more!

Some funny stuff:


Illusion - This is a definite must if you’re even a little bit hung over.

No more embarassing moments at the check out counter – the Enquirer brought right to you.

Everyone needs a little consipracy theory now and again, right Mulder?

The Iron Chef Drinking Game - makes those nights after Farscape more interesting.

That’s all I’ve got for today.

Into the future…

Friday and Saturday morning was the wake and funeral. Very sad, and I don’t think the impact of Meme’s death has hit poor Pepe yet. The whole family came out, which was very nice. The wake was strange – open caskets really freak my shyt out. Meme looked like she was made of plastic…not at all the woman she was in life. They had ‘arranged’ her mouth in such a strange smile – Blixx said she looked like she was from Planet of the Apes.

Roxy brought the kids up to the wake and it wasn’t that bad. Her hubby Goomba did a great job of answering the 5-yr. olds questions about death etc. Their newest spawn’s name is Jessica and she’s perfect. I had a great time playing with the kids and they certainly brought a little joy to an otherwise somber occasion. The funeral was LONG. The priest spoke so slowly I would have thought he was going backwards. Plenty of hymns and the whole stand up sit down (fight fight fight!) Catholic thing was a drag. Blixx is getting more and more wiggy about churches. I’ve got my issues with organized religion, but Blixx was starting to sweat during the funeral and getting really twitchy throughout the whole thing. Too bad for him that we’re going to a wedding on Saturday!

Saturday on the way back home, we stopped at Bob’s Stores and picked up tons of clothes. Well, Blixx got tons of clothes. I got some nylon shorts for kayaking/camping, but couldn’t find the nice cargo shorts that I’ve been looking for. They were having a buy one get one for $1 sale, so we got $400 worth of clothes for $200. Not bad! We then stopped at our old watering hole from college and had some Border wings and a couple of Horny Margaritas. Mmmmm, just the thing to relax the body and spirit after a trying day.

With a buzz secured, we went home and watched the all-new episode of Farscape. Ben Browder, the hottie who plays Crighton wrote it, and I thought it was a really good episode. It’s interesting that they’ve split the crew into two groups. From the previews, it seems that Scorpius will be joining us again next week. I can’t wait. His character is genius! While I am very disappointed that they changed the show’s theme music, I have to say that they have remained true to the original story idea that I fell in love with, and that they have only improved the characters and writing. Damn, I love this show!

We ended up going to bed around 11 that night out of pure exhaustion. I slept until 11am, which is so unlike me lately. I’d been so tired for so long, however, that rest was all I wanted to do. Sunday, we were going to do a road trip, but then decided against it. We’d already driven hundreds of miles and a trip back up to NH just to a head shop seemed excesive. Instead, we rented Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. What a terrific movie. Blixx even said that he didn’t mind reading it. The characters were well developed and the sets were out of control. The effects were super cool. I recommend this flick to all and I seriously regret not seeing it in the theater to get the full effect of the effects.

After watching the movie, Blixx suggested that we go take a walk down to the park and get some exercise. I thought it was a great idea, but I’d just rest my eyes for a little while. I napped on the couch for 4 more hours! I vaguely remember the cat climbing on my lap for a while, but other than that I was out like a light. When I awoke, I was so thirsty! I looked at the table, and Blixx had placed a glass of ice water out for me, and the Altoids next to them. Just what I needed to see after sleeping in non-air conditioned splendor for 4 hours! He’s so sweet – he brought me a flower from his walk too. So, it was almost 9pm so we ordered some pizza and watches a little tv. We were in bed by 11:30 and I shut out the light after reading for a ½ hour or so. I feel a world of difference today - getting all that sleep did me good.

I’ve finished the Dark Jewels trilogy and I can’t believe that there isn’t anything more for me to read! I feel like a portion of my life is missing, now that I can’t read about Witch or Daemon any more. There’s another book by Anne Bishop that I’m reading now. It’s the same place, but I think it’s in a time before the other books, because characters that were killed off in the trilogy are still alive and kicking in this one. It’s a little confusing for me, but I’ll figure it out somehow. I’ve got to get online to see if I can find more Anne Bishop books. I’m digging her work a lot!

It’s Monday and the elevator wouldn’t work so I got stuck, the fruit cup I grabbed for breakfast tasted like it was left out all weekend and the soda machine is out of order, so I have to BUY Diet Coke today. Yep, it’s Monday all right. It’s beautiful out too. I hear the week is going to be sunny hot an humid – I’ve got to coordinate with Toad and Blixx to get out on the water for sunset. Maybe Toad will see that girl again too…..

Into the future…

I am going to the wake tonight and funeral tomorrow. Blixx needs me. We’ve also decided that come hell or high water we’re doing something fun on Sunday, just the two of us. He’s talking about going to the ocean and watching the thunderstorms roll in. Sounds good to me!

Ten years ago I took a year off college and moved in with a girlfriend in MA. Mom didn’t like it. Nanny really didn’t like it and was on my mother’s ass, saying that she didn’t raise me right to have ‘run off’ like I did. This was further compounded by the fact that Mom got a boyfriend for the first time since Daddy had died and was enjoying a social life. For the first time in years, Mom was going out at night and NOT CALLING NANNY EVERY DAY. This was a big problem, and Nanny would call Mom all the time crying and carrying on, but Mom stood her ground and continued to date HerDick. Nanny didn’t like this show of individuality one bit, so she hatched a plan to get back at my mother.

So, I’m up in MA enjoying a wonderful day sunning myself by the pool when Nanny calls for me. I honestly didn’t think she had my number, but there she was. Crying, she explained that my mother was obviously drinking again because she was going out to bars that play loud music and staying out late and travelling. You have to understand that these are all things that Mom just didn’t do – for years after Daddy died she just stayed at home and smothered me. When I left, I was very grateful to HerDick for providing an outlet for my mother. The unannounced visits (Easter she showed up where I worked in a bunny suit and wondered why I was mortified) had decreased and I was no longer her focus. WooHoo! Nanny continues crying in a very dramatic way, and goes on and on making disparaging comments about my mother’s character. I don’t believe Mom is drinking again, and I’m pretty sure that Nanny is just pissed so I’d intended to just let her vent.

She then mentions ever so casually that Mom is acting just like she did when she got pregnant with me. I ask Nanny to clarify. She says that Mom got very secretive when she came home from school pregnant and without a husband. I’m confused here, because Daddy and Mom had met years after my mother went to college. Nanny then tells me (still in a calm voice, no hint of the tears from 2 minutes ago) “Frank isn’t your real father dear. Your mother told you that, right?”

I went cold. No, my mother hadn’t told me. No one had told me! Nanny hints that Mom got knocked up in Newport while she was at college and that the father is the son of a very prominent family. That is all she would say. You realize that Nanny is pissed that my mother has somehow found a life so she decided to use me to get back at her. No regard for my feelings here – just vindictiveness. I call Mom and at first she denies it, then caves. She can’t tell me who my biological father is – she just can’t. To this day there have been several conversations, and they all end with my mother breaking down in tears and running away.

That was 11 years ago. My mother still thinks we can have a close relationship and doesn’t understand why I’ve pulled away from her. Seriously, she just doesn’t understand. When I was planning my wedding, she wanted to be involved and got very mad when I told her we were planning on a private ceremony on an island. Fighting ensued and I again asked her to shed some light on the identity of my biological father. Hysterically crying, she ran from the house and didn’t bother me about the wedding again. Over the years, each and every time I’ve tried to talk to her about this she breaks down. Then if I’m cold to her or don’t call for a while, she’ll ask me why I treat her like I do. No clue! Time will pass, then she’ll start cheerfully calling again and will act confused at my lukewarm responses.

So Mom recently opted to write me a series of letters asking my we can’t have the wonderful mother daughter relationship we used to have. She must be remembering when I was 5 or so years old. I’ve been very clear with her so many times, but she still doesn’t understand. So, I write her a letter:

Mom, I need to know who my biological father is.

I think about this every day. EVERY DAY. This is part of my family history and I deserve to know the truth. It is not some little thing that I can get over and move past. I want to have a loving Mother / Daughter relationship with you and I want to share with you the joys and troubles in my life, but you must face the reality that I need to know who my biological father is. Until then, I really can not play along in your game of denial.

This situation makes me angry, sad and frustrated. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder why the truth is being kept from me. Why am I being hurt like this? I can only guess that there must be some terrible circumstance surrounding my conception, and I don’t want to cause you any pain or rake you over the coals and dredge up all sorts of horrible memories, but I can’t go on playing this guessing game. I will be supportive of you and accept of whatever you might tell me, but I must know the truth.

Frank is my father, my Daddy. He helped to raise me and I love him still. I am not looking to replace him or our treasured memories, but to fill in gaps in my heritage with the truth. I am not looking for a replacement father, just the truth. I am not trying to punish or blame you for anything by not keeping in touch. I can just no longer concentrate on idle conversation with you because it is too emotionally exhausting. I am so upset and just can not get past this, Mother. I need to put an end to this so we can get over it together and get on with life.

Please Mom! Please tell me the truth so we can begin to rebuild our relationship! Until you can be honest and open with me, until you can trust that I can accept what you tell me, then I just can not be the warm and loving daughter you want me to be. Every time that I have brought this up, you say “Oh, Chynakatt” then break down. I know this is extremely difficult for you, so take your time with this Mom. I’m not going anywhere. I hope to talk with you about this, soon. I will listen to what you have to say, but I need you to hear me too.

With love in my heart,

It was over a month ago that I sent her that letter, hoping to find the truth to put this behind us. I didn’t hear a thing from her until yesterday. A short message on our machine, she called to tell me that she and HerDick are performing at the Essex Jazz Festival this weekend and that she’d love to see me there. No mention of the letter. No mention of the pain and heartache she has caused. Complete denial!

If any of you wonder why I’m so totally f*cked up, this should shed some light on the dysfunctional family history I come from. With all that’s going on with Blixx’s family, the last thing I needed was to hear her voice chirping away on the machine. Blixx wants to call her back and reem her, but I don’t want him to get involved. DaveGrips helped his wife to find her father after several years and has offered to help too. All of my Extended Family in MA has been supportive and wonderful, but I just don’t know what to do here. I don’t know how to make her understand me. Any ideas are appreciated.

I should have sent her a Father's Day card and asked her to forward it for me.

Off to do some more work then get out of here to start a very long weekend. UG!

Into the future…

Some sad news today – Blixx’s grandmother Meme passed away today. She was 85+ years old and in poor health for some time. She’d been in and out of a diabetic coma for the past few weeks. While I’m sure it’s for the best that she pass, I’m still sure that this will send shock waves through the whole family. Poor Pepe will need to be taken care of, and I just hope that Blixx’s mother can cope with all the stress. Please light a candle, dance a little dance or do whatever it is that you do to honor the passing of a kind and wonderful woman. The wake is tomorrow, and I’m not sure if I’m going. I hate those things! The funeral is on Saturday in NH. I'm not looking forward to seeing the sad & lost look in Pepe's eyes.

Enough of the morbid!

Funny work story:
A dude in our e-lead department got fired yesterday. He’s worked for the company for almost 2 years, and at a dot com that’s the equivalent of forever. He apparently was typing an instant message to a friend, but somehow what he was typing was transferred to an e-mail he was sending to a client. The IM was a link to something about a purple dildo. Please keep in mind that I’m hearing this from the rumor mill, but I believe my sources to be pretty much in The Know. So, the e-mail gets sent out, client responds directly to the Account Manager who goes directly to his boss…and out dude goes on his ass for a simple mistake. Imagine going home to your hubby/wife/significant other and explaining how an IM about a dildo got you fired. Makes you think…

I should have gone home after the Carnival last night, but instead went out to have one beer. One turned into two, then three… It was a good time and I was able to use booze as an In to get my boss’s boss interested in hiring me to be his assistant, now that he’s been promoted to VP. Very good stuff there – he’s a wacky, but I think I can work with him. I’ve got to keep making inquiries in getting a better job than what I’ve got now. I swear that one of the sales reps (female) hit on me, but it’s been so long that I can’t be sure. Youngster was sitting on someone’s lap and this rep grabbed my arm and said ‘let’s go watch the show – this could get good.’ Whatever. She’s not my type. Shaped like a troll.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ve had the shakes all day today. I don’t recall ever feeling quite like this. It isn’t a hangover – those I can certainly recognize. I didn’t eat dinner last night, and I had the hungry horrors when I woke up. Bagel and coffee cured that, and I ate a big salad for lunch even though I wasn’t that hungry. I haven’t even had any caffeine other than the Java, yet I’m shaking like a leaf. I’ve had plenty of water, thinking that maybe I’d dehydrated myself with the booze last night, but it doesn’t seem to help. I want a Diet Coke (liquid smack) but I’m not sure what the caffeine will do to me. I’d planned on doing some shopping tonight, but I think I really do just have to go to bed the minute I get home.

I’m going to stop typing now and find somewhere to hang out and collect myself now. I came across this list of Simpson’s Chalkboard Wisdoms that I thought you all might appreciate. Enjoy!



I will not carve gods.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never win an Emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not deliciously saucy.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not fake my way through life.
Tar is not a plaything.
It's potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others.
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not drive the principal's car.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not sell school property.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not sleep through my education.
I am not a dentist.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
High explosives and school don't mix.
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.

Into the future…

Well, coming back to work has taken a lot out of me. This whole full-time gig is wearing me down. Perhaps it has something to do with me coming home to a relaxed husband who's napped and watched movies all day. I'm not blaming him! I've certainly done my share of loafing in my time, it's just a little frustrating to be on the working end of it, that's all.

I'm still into the 3rd Anne Bishop book and I can't put it down. I read a bunch at lunch, and I'm just staring at the cover right now, wishing there was a way that I could make reading a paperback look like work. Not gunna happen. I'm pretty sure that I'll go into withdrawals when I'm done with the series, but I think Tempest gave me another of her books. I just hope it's 1/2 as good. I've got Blixx started on them too. He's actually reading at the Laundromat right now. He gave in and decided to go on his own. Damn, I love a man who recognizes the need for clean underwear.

I've got a 'Carnival" after work tonight. They will try to make it fun, and we'll play games and win prizes. I hear that they are giving away free days off, so that's what I'm shooting for. There's a dart (pronounced Daaaaahht here in MA) game that I should be able to kick some ass with. In reality, I'd be psyched if I didn't even have to go to this thing. Yes, there will be some beers (pronounced Beeeeeyyas) but I'm just so damn tired. Another problem with Blixx's free schedule is that he can be up until all hours. I've been feeling really run down lately and I don't want to risk getting sick. I've got this dream that I'll be home by 9 tonight so I can get right into my PJ's and head up to bed. I'm sure that Blixx will have to pry the book out of my hands, but I want lights out no later than 11. I hit snooze a record 10 times this morning. The alarm went off at 6:50 - I didn't get out of bed until 7:45. That leaves me just about 1/2 hour to get ready. Thank god I let my bangs grow out - now I just have to pull my wet hair back in a barrette and head on out. I was so rushed this AM that I'm surprised I'm wearing a matching outfit - odds were against me too, as our mountain of laundry continues to grow.

Not a lot to talk about today. I’m just hanging on until I can get home and get to bed. I’m weary and I need to refresh. I received an e-mail of 200 funny bumper stickers, with a promise that I’d laugh my ass off. Well, the ass is still here, but there were a few that made me chuckle. Perhaps I’ll be more original tomorrow.

BUMPERSTICKER WISDOM

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them with Bullets.
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Boldly Going Nowhere
Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Into the future......

“Give me back my friend, you giant sphincter!” Evolution

I had the best weekend I’ve had all year!

Friday our buddy DaveGrips came over and we hung out, watched TV etc. It was a new episode of Farscape!!! Damn, I dig that show! The convention is coming up in Spetember and I’m thinking that we’ll be geeks and go. I know – we’re already geeks.

Saturday Blixx and I were supposed to spend all day at the Laundromat, but we opted to sleep in, eat steak and eggs for breakfast, take a long shower then nap. We spent all day in bed and it was WONDERFUL. (Read between the lines here people! Woo Hoo!) We roused ourselves (pun intended) around 5 and went to the mall for a bit. I didn’t have much luck there, but Blixx picked up some new shorts and a cool new kite at the Discovery Store. He also picked up a sonic bug repellant thingie. After shopping, we headed to the Movie Theater.

Ah, Tomb Raider. Run Lara run! Were the effects good? YES. Was it the greatest movie ever? NO, sadly it wasn’t. The script was actually pretty good, allowing us to get some character development and all that jazz. The sets and scenery were beautiful. They apparently went to Indonesia and Iceland for filming and it was breathtaking. I never really got that hook from the movie that inspires you to cheer on the main character. It was missing something, but it was very very close. I won’t even talk about the shitass ending. UG! It’s like the writers took a break and let their 6-year-old kid’s write those last few minutes. Overall, I rate this movie a 7 ½, loosing points for the ending, but gaining points for the eye candy.

After a quick pee break, we snuck into see Evolution. Certainly not up for any awards, I still couldn’t seem to stop laughing out loud. David Duchovny was hysterical in that he was still Moulder in so many ways, yet in such a goofy way. The plot is that Duchovny and Orlando Jones’s characters go to investigate a meteor strike in the desert. They find single celled organisms that are rapidly evolving in order to take over the earth. Oh yeah, there are plot holes. The love story between Duchovny and Julianne Moore is done in such a tongue in cheek way that it’s almost refreshing. The aliens all seem to have flatulence issues. But the giant blue monkeys are cool and there’s enough going on to keep you interested. This movie is no Ghostbusters, but it’s still an enjoyable romp and fun for the whole family. I give this movie an 8.

Sunday rolled around and we slept in, which I haven’t done in ages. I immediately picked up the second of the Anne Bishop books and finished it. Paperback tossed on table, picked up third book and jumped right in. I haven’t been this into a book (let alone 3 of them) in quite some time. I’ve even got Blixx reading them too. I thought the whole Satan and Hell thing would get his interest. During this reading period, we had a huge thunder and lightening storm. The thunder set off car alarms it was so deafening! The rain pounded down and the wind whipped – it was a beautiful site to see. Anyway, my nose was in the book until around 2pm when Blixx lovingly pointed out that we did in fact have to leave the house and perhaps I should look into a shower and some pants. We went over to DaveGrips house for a father’s day BBQ. His family was there, as well as his wife’s, but it’s really V that we all go over there to see. I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day and I think she’s grown at least 3 inches since then. She’s also gained a few pounds, as I found out when she climbed into my arms and gave me a rib-breaking hug. I was quite flattered – shed been clinging to her mother and hadn’t wanted to go to anyone else, until I came in. He He – she likes me. It’s still pouring out, by the way. So, we scarfed down some burgers and presented our gift to Dave. We got him a battery operated great white shark to play with in his pool. You’ve never met a bigger fan of the movie Jaws, so he’s pretty psyched. I’ll have to let you know what V thinks of a shark in her pool.

We then made the drive to Foxboro Stadium for the Dave Matthews Band concert. I can’t tell you much about the 45 minute ride, because I napped most of the way. I don’t know what hit me, but my body just shut down and out I went. I awoke to god-awful traffic, so I knew we were close. It’s still raining like a bastard out and I’m getting concerned that the concert will be cancelled, but we keep on plugging on. We had to park about a mile away from the stadium and walk in the rain. I was SOAKED even before we walked in the door, but Foxboro is an outdoor venue so there really wasn’t any place to hide. I’d worn the right gear (rain jacket, nylon pants & hat) but there were plenty of little chickies and jarheads out there unprepared for the weather. I wonder how many of them have colds right now? We traveled through the hoards of people and found our seats – then found better seats at the front of the section. We met a super nice group of people who’d driven down from Nova Scotia just for the show. Macy Gray was the opening act, but she didn’t play long due to the weather. I head ‘I Try” from under the cover of the stairs, where we huddled for a few minutes of dry to have a butt. She really didn’t sound all that good, to be honest with you. Our friends from Nova Scotia say she was OK, but not great the rest of her set. I’m not at all sad that we missed it.

So, it’s like 8:30 and it’s pouring cats and dogs and pigs and everything but the kitchen sink. Black clouds are on the horizon and there’s no indication that it’s ever going to end. Then, the stage crew comes out and gets the stage ready for DMB. It’s like a switch – off goes the rain! By 2 songs into the set the rain has stopped completely. 2 more songs later and the stars are out. It was magic! This was the best concert I’ve ever been to. It beats Blues Traveler at BC in 1997. The band was tight and the music just flowed over the crowd and took us all away. Truly and excellent show. DMB covered All Along the Watchtower for about 20 minutes and it was fabulous! Just as the stars came out, Blixx and I made a wish. I wished that they would play Blixx’s favorite song…don’t you know that in just that instant they break into Warehouse! Right on!

We found some kind souls who were in a sharing mindset, which is always key. I have to say that Five - O had a surprisingly strong presence at the show and we say two folks cuffed and stuffed while we were there. What ever happened to the good old days when you passed a J around and no one cared because you were all into the music, man? All the cops really harshed the mellow, but it was still a great place to be. The music was awesome and the company was stellar. After the show, we did the mile walk back to the car, which didn’t seem as long, perhaps because it wasn’t pouring. Blixx took the scenic route home, stopping to visit his hometown of Franklin and seeing where he used to live etc. Home and we both fell asleep on the couch until about 3 am then upstairs to pass out with a cat.

Lucky for me, I’d remembered to set my alarm for the morning. I awoke and crawled over to the phone. I dialed up my boss and gave an Academy Award winning performance explaining how I was taking a sick day. Right back to bed until around 10, then downstairs and back into my book. Blixx got up a little while later and I cooked him a yummy bacon egg sandwich. We cleaned up the house a little bit because our apartment building is for sale, so folks have been traipsing in and out every day or so. It really sucks that I can’t leave my dirty clothes all over the place, but I guess it’s a good influence to keep the house tidy all the time. We went to Toad’s house for a bit, then took a drive with him to meet Tadpole. Then over to DaveGrip’s to pick up Blixx’s kayak (in storage since Memorial Day – must go yak!) then out to Whitehall to catch the sunset. Oh, it was beautiful. I explored the shoreline for a while and saw all manner of birds, turtles and such. The light on the shore was breathtaking – all red and dappled. Toad met a girl out on the water – a fellow yacker, she says she comes to Whitehall all the time. I’m thinking that Toad will be out there every night now, but that’s just my prediction of the whole thing. The bug repellent thingie that Blixx bought only works if you sneek up on the offending mosquito and scare it to death. I think we'll bring it back to the store - if they ask why we're returning it, I certainly have several bites to offer as proof. As I type this, my legs are on fire and all I want to do is itch the skin right off them. Pretty picture, hu?

After kayaking we went to our favorite watering hole and had some burgers and beers. A pitcher of beer actually, and that was on top of the liquid refreshment we’d brought out on the water with us. I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but Blixx had a little too much to drink. He said something and slurred his words, so Toad and I immediately made fun of him. Not a good choice. I ended up unloading the boats with Toad – we dropped one too because I wasn’t ready to have that much weight in my hands. I drove home and it was pretty chilly in the car. It was midnight and I was beat and Blixx needed to talk and I blew him off and I’m sorry. I’M SORRY! I hope we’ll be able to hash this out tonight over dinner.

Other than the harsh ending (hmmm…a Tomb Raider parallel) this was an incredibly enjoyable weekend. Good food – good company – good ‘you know.’ I recommend it to everyone.

Into the future…

Yesterday's answer: a windmill

No comments on the riddle of the day. I can't come up with anything to hold you over on the weekend. Sorry about that.

Yesterday was a tough day at work. The printers were all screwed up, so the sales letters were screwed up, so the sales people were screwed up! We got a delivery that was supposed to go to our warehouse, so there's 5 pallets of crap in the hallway. Approximately 5 seconds after the order was dropped off, our Fanatical Leader came over to me asking me what I was going to do to get the 'crap' out of the hallway. UG! Then we ran out of labels for the sales kits - I hadn't reordered because the new design was coming in today. I heard yesterday at 5pm that they won't be here until July. That's right about the time the printer spit out the last of the old style and asked for more. Crapass! There was a lot of running around and whatnot, but today is different. Since yesterday ws such a crappy one, today can't possibly be worse.

Blixx and I went to Toads for some BBQ last night. Blixx grilled up some fine pork ribs - served with pasta salad and garlic bread. Very tasty. We played darts and hung out in the SPAC clubhouse (Toad's basement) since it was cooler. Wow, it's been hot and humid lately. Toad doesn't believe in air conditioners so we made due. It was nice to come back home to a wind tunnel of air conditioned splendor. It was late, but I sat down with the rest of that book, telling myself that I'm going to read just one or two pages. Yeah right. 1:30 am I finished the first book, and actually looked around for the second one to start. The clock caught me and up to bed I went. I didn't sleep too well, however. I think the day filled with stres just got to me or something, but I was up tossing and turning all night. I'm so flipping tired right now, I'm thinking of reserving a conference room for the rest of lunch hour and taking a nap.

We're going to see Tomb Raider this weekend so look forward to the review on Monday. We're also seeing Dave Matthew's Band and Macy Gray on Sunday. Ooooh, you might have to wait until Tuesday to hear about the weekend. I'm planning on being very sick on Monday so I can go with Blixx and Toad on a roadtrip to visit Tadpole in CT. Too bad Tempest has a job now, or I'd stop in for a visit. We'll be all strung out from the show on Monday and I've got 8 sick days left, so I figured what the hell. The downside is that I'll be missing the 21st birthday of Youngster that should be a hoot. She's stupidly having everyone (including the several guys from work she's slept with) go across the street ot a local bar. Not a problem, except that her current boyfriend will be there. He's the jealous type and I'm not thinking the sexual tension will be lost on him. Then there's the fact that Youngster has been to this bar several times while NOT of age and been served. She'll have folks yelling happy 21st at her - I'm thikning that this party will be more fun if I just hear about it, rather than attending.

I'm off to grab some chow somewhere in the building and hand out with a good book for a bit. Have a wonderful weekend and I'll chat at you all soon.

Into the future...