How to get out of a speeding ticket

Ok, so I'm easily amused...

A driver is pulled over by a police man.
Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it four times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see, can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Man: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer #2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.
Man: Is there a problem sir?
Officer #2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Man: Murdered the owner?
Officer #2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer #2: Is this your car sir?
Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer #2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer #2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, raped and murdered the owner.
Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.