Monday, September 30, 2002

My company tried to kill me on Friday. They served burrito's for lunch. I will spare you all the details by simply saying that it was a rough night on Friday. I wasn't even able to go out and meet BoogieShoes or see the Rovers. I closed my eyes for just a second...an hour later Blixx tells me that he called BoogieShoes to let them know that we wouldn't make it. I'm bummed, but there's always next time.

Saturday was the Saner wedding. They are the cutest couple ever...truly. They played the Star Wars theme when the couple walked into the reception...reminding me of Mortal Combat from the Tempest/Purge wedding. We danced a few dances and ate our fill, but we didn't know too many people there. The woman sitting next to us refused to have her picture taken...because she can't stand to see herself. She said she can't even look at herself in the mirror...dead serious. I've got issues, but DAMN! We took the long way home and had a wonderful romantic night - weddings remind us just how much we love each other.

Sunday was a late Pat's game so I convinced Blixx to leave the house and we went mattress shopping. We're pretty much decided on the Simmons Beautyrest, because each side is individual so when one person is flipping and flopping around, the other doesn't get bounced off the bed. That should get delivered this week and I can't wait! We rearranged the bedroom last night and I think we've found the final set-up that works for everyone. I still have to get decorating in there - it looks so barren. For that matter - I've got to get decorating the whole house.

I never did get a call back on that job interview I had last week, which has me bummed out. I do have the ATT interview on Wednesday, although I haven't gotten directions to the office yet. Patience...nope, not me! I've got a couple of decent leads from the newspaper yesterday too so I'll be spending my lunch hour, yet again, faxing and e-mailing out my resume to everyone and anyone who will have me. I swear that looking for a job is a full - time job.

Friday, September 27, 2002

Arguing about money is such a predictable thing for a married couple to do.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

I got some fairly amusing e-mails today so I thought I'd share:

You Know When You're Living In The 02's When:

1. You have 5 passwords, but can only remember one.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

11. You can only write on 'sticky pads'.

12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.

13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours
boots up.

19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".

AND THE CLINCHERS ARE..

22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".

And another that amused me:

Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees". The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our admins has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the admin ?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, then you had to go and eat someone they would miss!!!!!!!"
The interview went well. The only problem is that I don't think I want to work there. It's a small office on the grow, looking to get bought out by a bigger company. Dude I spoke to made all sorts of promises for advancement, but couldn't back it up with any success stories. And despite the fact that my requested salary is right on my resume and cover letter, he said that the top they would offer is 1K less than what I wanted, which is fine cuz that's still in my ballpark, but it pisses me off that they can't friggin read! It's in a rough spot on Rt 9 too that would be a huge hassle to get out of to get home every day, AND I'd have to pay for the Mass Pike. I expect a call for a second interview, but I'm not sure that I'll go. It was a good experience though and makes me feel good that there's hope for me yet.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

The Buffy premiere was excellent, with tons of one liners and kick ass fight scenes. Even little Dawn wasn't so annoying. Lots of things are left hanging and I'm hopefull for a good season. Birdgirl came over and watched with us, then we headed over to Vincent's for a few pops. One thing lead to another and I found myself stumbling in the door after 1am. ARG! It was a rough morning, but the java is doing it's job so I'll survive. Diet Coke is my lifeline, and I'm a huge fan of the lemon flavor too.

I've got an interview tonight at Global Tech in Natick. They make or distribute Honeywell batteries. I'm a little sketchy on the specifics of the company, but he has my salary requirements and still wants to meet. Plus side is that he's cool on the after work interview. I've had a couple of spots where if you can't come down in the middle of the day to interview, then SOL. Bastards!

I had a phone interview last night for an Admin job at ATT Broadband. The job sounds cool and it's right in town so at most I'd have a 15 minute commute. Really good bennies, including free broadband cable (including the pay channels - soft porn here I come!) and huge discounts on DSL and even cell. I'm expecting a call back for an actual face to face interview. Downside is that Blixx has worked with the company and says they are total assholes to work for. I take what he says with a grain of salt, as I won't be working for the media department so maybe things are better in other divisions. Or it could be a crapfest...we shall see. This job sounds really cool and that I would be a good fit adn I want them to call back and....no and then!

Remember that I said I went to an event at Higgins Armory Museum? Well, they are hiring for an Exec Assistant - ad was in the Sunday paper! I gave my friend the resume to get hand delivered! Is that timing or what? It's a cool place and I'd like to work there, but I hear tell that they are notoriously cheap bastards. I can take a small cut since I'd use like 0 gas getting to and from work (another 15 min commute!), but that's it. I also hear that it's a babysitting job. No thank you.

Fingers crossed kiddies that I will find the greener pastures and be able to give my notice and go! We aren't required to give 2 weeks here, and actually since I'm in (techniclly) sales they have the option of hussling you right out the door after you sign the non-compete agreement (again). So I'll tell the new company that I have to give 2 weeks, pack my crap then tell this place that I'm ditching out, then I get a 2 week vacation. I've got unused vacation time too so I'd get paid for the time. Yeah haw!

Ok, enough dreaming. Back to the dismall reality. Nah...back to surfing compeditor sites and getting my resume out there.

Monday, September 23, 2002

Belated Happy Birthday to Purge & UIM. I hope you both celebrated in style.

Thursday night we went to a friend from work's photography show at the Higgins Armory Museum. They took a dude in a suit of armor then had him pose around Worcester in different spots as part of a whole town celebration. It was pretty neat and I met some cool folks.

Friday night after work Toad, Blixx & I went to see Birdgirl's latest play Dancing at Lughnasa in Sturbridge. Birdgirl is the one in the middle. She was great, but the play was L O N G and not terribly well written. Everyone was supposed to have irish accents...ug! Afterwards, we went out with the cast and had a few pops, then Toad & Birdgirl came over and had a few more pops back at our place. 2am...you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!

Saturday morning we were up early (apply coffee and Excedrin...stir gently) as Blixx entered himself into the 1st Anual Canoe & Kayak Race in Shrewsbury. It was a 2 1/2 mile paddle with tons of folks in the race...and Blixx came in 3rd place! Woo Hoo - no cool trophy, but he did get a plaque. After the race, he had only 1 hour to change and get it together before working all night shooting a Miller Lite commercial in Boston. He had a fun time but I'll let him tell you the details. While he was gone, I took the kayak out and did a little afternoon paddle action in Rutland. I even managed to get some color on my face. It would have been the perfect retreat (I'd brought a book to read while floating) but there were yahoos waterskiing with little regard for the No Wake signs. Oh well, I tried.

Sunday Blixx was totally out of it when he woke up so we just kinda hung out and watched the Pats finally win over the Chiefs in OT. They really played horribly during the 1st quarter but it was nice to see them pull themselves together. The evening was capped off by me cooking a wonderful pork loin with sweet potato and fresh greenbeens, then some quality time chatting and whatnot with the hubby. Mmmmm quality time. I'm still walking funny due to the quality. ;)

I had lunch with Saner today. He's getting married in 5 days and is starting to sweat about it. He and his fiance are so stinking cute..this Saturday will be a good time, although I found out that we won't know anyone else there. I had thought there would be folks from their old company invited, but I guess we're special. Makes me feel bad for not keeping in better touch with them. We're thinking of giving them a honeymoon survival kit with all sorts of little toys etc. Or we give the more practical cash...we'll see what we have time to pull together.

Work still stinks...and I'd better get back to it. Peace.




Wednesday, September 18, 2002

There were two llamas in the middle of the road this morning, on my way to work.
No...seriously. You don't see that every day.

I had a great birthday and thank you to those who thought to send cards & well wishes. We didn't get to the BigE, but did manage to go see Goldmember (**1/2 rating) and buy some music and take long hot showers and eat/drink well. Blixx got me wonderful gifts, including an outfit and the Buffy board game! Woo Hoo - we were up until after 1am playing. Unfortunately, the forces of evil prevailed, but I'm calling a rematch. He got me a mood ring with butterflies on it, a Bitch Survival Kit, Bufy calendar & Angel action figures and treated me like a goddess all day. We had a wonderful late night off road experience and christened the jeep, which is now known as Shaggy. Blixx is a good one and he's all mine!

I think Nightskye meant to say that Frank was being portrayed as a wife BEATER, rather than a wife better. Other than that, I agree that you really shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it. Get out of the kitchen if you can't stand the heat. This coming from the overly sensitive woman who recently took every word Blixx said in his posts to be gospell and the end of the world. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. Come on over here and do something about it. I dare you.

Monday, September 16, 2002

Mom's visit wasn't as tramatic as I had originally feared. We set Dick up in front of the TV watching football & he was pretty cool too. Speaking of football, hehe great masacre at the Meadowlands. The Pats really have it together so far this year. 44-7 WOO HOO.

Tomorrow is my sweet 16 birthday - yeah right! I'm not working, so you won't hear from me as our home computer is out of commission. After breakfast in bed, I'm thinking that we'll head out to the BigE. Or since the weather is supposed to be nice, so maybe Blixx will paddle me around in the canoe for the day. Or We could go shopping so I can spend the bucks my mom layed on me (with strict instructions to get something for ME...um, ok) Or stay in bed all day - hard to say. I'm just psyched that I have the day off.

Friday, September 13, 2002

I'm all upset because my mother is coming to visit, in celebration of my birthday. She'll be coming up Saturday morning and there's a ton of stuff around the house that I'll need to get done so that I won't have to listen to her give me crap. Arg! So, we'll do lunch with her and her Dick on Saturday afternoon then I've asked Blixx out on a date to go catch a movie or something. We haven't been to an actual theater since Spiderman, so there's any number of flicks that we want to see. I'm thinking Austin Powers for some escapeism.

Sunday is a 3yr old brithday party in the afternoon. V turns 3 & (shhh don't tell her) she's getting her very own bike. Grips came over & used our living room to put it together last night. It's got a bell and basket and tassles and everything a little girl could want to melt hearts. I actually added Grips to my list of friend's sites....a drastic oversight that I didnt' do it sooner. You can see just how beautiful his daughter is, as well as read the heartwrenching story of Jack's last day. If you're an animal lover, dont' read it without a box of Kleenex. Jack was a very good dog. I'm not sure what we'll do on Sunday night, but I'll bet it's something around the house, because that's just what we do lately. Hey, it keeps us off the streets at least.

I hope you all have better luck today than I seem to be having. Take it slow & watch where you're going.
It's Friday the 13th.

I was in a car accident on my way to work today. I'm fine & my car isn't too damaged, but it freaked me out. An 80 year old guy driving a Crown Victoria t-boned me. I was in the lane to make a left merge into traffic to enter the highway. He was entering the same lane from a different road, and obviously didn't look where he was going. He just plowed right into me. He dented my passenger doors on my Cavalier...his tank is fine - hardly a scratch, just the faintest hint of black paint where he hit my vehicle. This is just one more thing to deal with at all the wrong time, but at least we both walked away.
Here's ere's where the accident occurred. I was on Quinsig & he entered from Cambridge.

I was 2 hours late getting to work because the Worcester Police took 1 hour to get to us. First they said they couldn't find where I said the street was. I mean, it was right near a DuDo's so you'd think that Worcester's finest would be able to find it no problem. Arg! I had to sit & listen to this old guy tell me about all the other accidents he's been in. When I asked him for his license and registration, all he could come up with was an expired temporary license! By the time the cop arrived, he found the real one but had no idea where his registration is.

It seems that we share the same insurance company, which I hope will make the process move faster. I don't have rental coverage on my policy, so I'm hoping that I won't have to shell out big bucks to have a ride while the car is being repaired. This was totally his fault and no one better say otherwise, if they know what's good for them!!!

Thursday, September 12, 2002

All hail the return of the TV viewing guide.


Check out the full grid of TV show times for the fall season. The new TV season usually fills me with glee, like a little girl in a candy store, but this fall there isn't a whole lot to get excited about.

Here’s some shows that show a little potential:
Boomtown (Sunday 10pm NBC). It’s the same story shown in four different perspectives. At least it’s a new concept in a sea of regurgitated crapola, but I worry that it will be boring since it's pretty much the same thing over and over again. There's potential here, but it will have to be done right. First show 9/29.
Birds of Prey (Wed 9pm on WB). Batgirl saves the day. This is just another example of comic book history gone awry. I’m interested…but I doubt this one will last, since the target audience will undoubtedly reject the historical comic inaccuracies. Begins Oct 8th.
Firefly (Friday 8pm on Fox). Joss Whedon, creator & writer for Buffy & Angel, has a new drama. He describes it as 'a space western.' I’m not sure what that means, but his whit and talent with the other shows means that I’m definitely tuning in for this one. I'm not sure this one will make it, as it seems more like a syndicated show on at 2pm Sundays, rather than prime time viewing material. Premier is next Friday 9/20 at 8pm.
Push, Nevada (Thursday 9pm ABC) is a play at home type show where clues lead you to the 1.2 million hidden somewhere in the country. I don’t think the mystery is where the money is, but rather why ABC would put a show with actual potential up against such stiff competition on Thursdays. Eh…ABC has it’s head up it’s own ass, but this is possibly the best thing they have going for them in the new season. This one may suffer where 24 did, in that if you miss an episode you're screwed for the following week. Premiere is 8pm 9/17, then again on 9/19 at 8pm, before the 2nd episode in it’s regular time slot).

Shows that could be good, but probably won’t:
Fastlane (Wed 9pm FOX) on brings us the return of Miami Vice style action, without all of the pastel sports coats. Tiffani Thiessen & Bill Belamy are in it. Nope, it’s not a comedy, so why do I feel like laughing? After The Fast & Furious did so well at the boxoffice, this seems like a sure hit, at least for a while. It’s starts next week 9/18.
John Doe (Friday 9pm on Fox). Dude wakes up knowing everything except who he is & where he comes from, uses useless knowledge to save the world. Eh, sounds familiar but I’ll give it a shot until the new Farscape & SG-1 episodes come back.
Hack (Friday 9 pm CBS) about the super hero in all of us: police officer turned taxi driver fights against the injustice in the world. On another network, maybe. CBS will just turn this into Touched by a Taxi Driver.
Haunted (Tuesday 9pm UPN) On right after Buffy, I’m sure I’ll catch this eventually. Cop gets visions that help him solve cases. It’s got the older brother from Party of Five in it.
The Twilight Zone (Wednesday 9pm UPN) It’s been done before but at least we know it’s a premise that works. Forest Witaker hosts.

Here’s some shows that I predict will crash and burn to their horrible deaths fairly early in the season:
Presidio Med (Wed 10pm CBS) Created by the same folks as ER, I imagine that it will be pretty much the exact same show. The only thing this one has going for it is Oded Fehr, who you may remember from the movie The Mummy & the gone but not forgotten TV series UC Undercover. Premier is Tuesday 9/24.
Dinotopia (8pm Thursday ABC). Man & Dinosaurs living together in a utopian world. Hmmm. I’d rather watch Survivor.
That was Then (Friday 9pm ABC). Some 30 something dude gets a do-over every week – a chance to go back to high school and change the future.
Girls Club (Monday 9pm Fox) Another David E Kelley masterpiece about lady lawyers. I guess he didn’t get it when Ally got canned – no one cares!
Septuplets (Thursday 9pm FOX) Read the discription of this show and tell me it’s for real. C’mon…seriously?
The Grubbs (Sunday 9:30 FOX) It’s like Malcolm in the Middle, except the kid isn’t a genius. It’s about the idiot triumphing. With Carol Kane & Randy Quaid starring as the parents.
Good Morning, Miami (Thursday 9:30 NBC) On right after Will & Grace, I think NBC is trying to avoid the after Friends cursed time slot. From reading the show premise, I’m not sure it would work in any time slot. I mean, who takes a job just because there’s a hotty working there? And how many sitcoms will start there?
Hidden Hills (Tuesday 9:30 NBC) a comedy about how funny life in the suburbs can be. Nope, never been done before.

It seems that my favorite waste of a Sunday afternoon show,Beastmaster, has been shitcanned after two seasons. MutantX will return, as will Andromeda, but many shows have been cancelled.

New on the syndicated market is Starhunter.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Today I reflect on everything I have that makes me lucky and happy, because I can’t let myself get caught up in the media hype surrounding the events of 9-11. It’s not that I don’t care for all of the valiant heroes who lost their lives one year ago today, but all of the images and words can’t bring them back. The nation mourned their loss a year ago and I believe that it is counter-productive to be dredging up all of the pain and anguish again.

We need to be strong and move forward and learn to not take things for granted.

I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who loves me with all of his heart and soul.
I am lucky to have a terrific and diverse group of friends who will drop everything to be there when needed, and know that I would do the same for them. My friends are family.
I still have my health.
I have a great house.
I always have food on my plate every day.
I have a job that pays the bills.
I have plenty of material items to call my own.
For all of their faults, I also have a family who loves me and cares about me.
I have the time and means to enjoy life doing what makes me happy, like camping or kayaking or reading quietly.
I have the ability to voice my opinions without fear of retribution.
I have my freedom.
I am not alone.

Live and Love like it’s the last day on Earth, because as some Americans learned a year ago today – it just may be.

Peace.

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Blixx brought us back 4 2 lb lobsters. I ate one and could have put the other one away, had I not been so excited about the football game. The Pats creamed the Steelers. We didn't get home until after midnight then stayed up talking and whatnot (mmmmm whatnot) until 3am. I was tired earlier today. Now, I think I'm approaching delusional. I've gotten several e-mails inviting us out to Vincent's tonight, but I'm thinking that I won't make it much past 8pm.
Tired....where sleep...must sleep....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Monday, September 09, 2002

HOLY CRAP! FARSCAPE HAS BEEN CANCELLED!

I could totally understand it when Witchblade was cancelled. It’s a great show but no one was watching and Yancy Butler was sketchy – in & out of rehab and so forth. But Farscape is a truly original vehicle and it is a damn dirty rotten shame that budgetary cuts have forced it to be taken off the air. I checked some message boards and fan sites, and all are hopeful that maybe UPN or another network might be interested in picking it up.

Please vote to Save My Show.

Also, check out these online petitions I came across. I don’t know if they do much good, but it’s worth a try.

Scorpius-Farscape has contact information for the networks.

Other Online Petitions:
Save Farscape!
Frell No!
Scaper Save
Hapa – welcome back and congratulations! I'm glad you and your son are ok.
WryGuy – thanks for the advice column. Quite poignant.

I’d made an overly ambitious list of things to accomplish this weekend, so I didn’t get everything done. What I did do was hang curtains in the living room, which makes it look so much better, as well as get the boxes out of the front hall (Grips, please tell your wife). There’s still crap in the hall, but its all stuff that I couldn’t manage to move by myself. I swept the 1st floor. I put books on the shelves, cleared some clutter out of the dining room, and dragged crap that I don’t want to see down to the basement. I watered plants. I did a bunch of laundry. I bought a rug for the bathroom, a beautiful oriental looking thing with the same blue and green that’s in the shower curtain. Gotta love Building 19 for cheap rugs. I got a hair cut & figured out how to style it so I don’t look like a duffus. I caught up on my sleep. I got drunk on cheap but tasty white wine Friday night. I didn’t smoke a single cigarette on Saturday & only had 2 on Sunday. I didn’t smoke anything else on those days either, which is new. I ordered pizza from a new place called Fantastic Pizza (it was just ok, go figure).

I hope the changes I made to make our home homey will be recognized and appreciated by my wayward traveling husband. We haven’t really talked in days. He called last night and had a horrible connection – but he yelled I LOVE YOU over the static, which was sweat. I just shutter to think of our cell bill this month, but it’s worth it to know he’s thinking of me and missing me.

Tonight I’m getting my nails done after work & hitting the mall for some bathroom accessories that are much needed. Then it’s over to Toads to have lobster for dinner (better be!) and to watch the Pats cream the Steelers.

Speaking of football, did anyone see the Jets vs Bills game yesterday? Wowie, that was a good game. Bledsoe did a decent job, but it’s a shame the Bills have zero defence. Those two huge kickoff returns by the Jets were astounding.

*******


A first grade teacher in Pittsburgh explains to her class that she is a Steelers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Steelers fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand, except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Steelers fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Steelers fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Pats fan , and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why are you a Pats fan?"

"Because my mom is a Pats fan, and my dad is a Pats fan, so I'm a Pats fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Pats fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "We'd be Steelers fans."

Friday, September 06, 2002

Grrrr....Arg...
Let me begin by giving an all out 2 thumbs up to the movie Vanilla Sky. It’s a twisted journey into the psyche of a man who has it all, and has nothing. Really really good. I don’t know why it received so many mixed and bad reviews. By all means this is a worthy rental choice that will make you think and want to know more. Rent it if you enjoyed Fight Club. Another good rental choice in the Wacky genre is Donnie Darko.

It’s a beautiful day out so I decided to take a walk at lunch. Rather than head straight downtown, I hooked a left and meandered through the neighborhoods behind the mill buildings where I work. It felt great to get out and moving. Blixx even called while I was out so we chatted for a bit. I’m still jealous that he’s in Maine, but he’s missing me so I guess that will have to suffice. Absence making the heart grow fonder – bring it on! Anyway, I don’t know why I did it since I might have actually burned a calorie or lost a pound by getting off my ass, but as I type I’m eating the Chinese food I picked up on the way. Counter productive? Maybe - but definitely delicious.

Weekend plans, let me see. Tonight I’m heading straight home to hang curtains. I told myself I was going to do it last night, but then decided that watching the Giants suck was a worthy cause so I said F it. Post curtains, it’s looking like a decent Drunk, with the assistance of Grips. He’s going to move some furniture for me. I’m pretty sure he thought I was kidding about that. Silly man. Tomorrow I’m spending the day working on the house. There’s bills to pay. There’s plenty that still needs to be unpacked or hiked down to the basement so we can forget all about it for years. Once the dresser is upstairs I can continue my quest to find room in the guest room for a bed. Sunday there’s the Pet Rockconcert, where Sophie B Hawkins (Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover) is headlining. It’s a benefit for animal rescue leagues and the like, so I’m not sure that I should go since there will be plenty of adoptable pets there. There’s also some good football on Sunday so maybe I’ll just stay in close to the air conditioner and relax a bit. Overall, there’s plenty that I could and should get done but I want to take some ME time to relax and get my head together. What a long strange trip it’s been.

Blixx returns home on Monday evening from Maine so we’ve scheduled a Lobster fest at Toads to watch the Patriots on Monday Night Football. It will be so good to have him back home. I hope I’m not delusional in thinking that everything will be peachy keen wonderful when he returns. It’s good to have hope.

I hope you all have a wonderful and relaxing weekend.

Peace.

Thursday, September 05, 2002

What a total shitfest today has been so far. Blixx went off to Acadia with Toad this morning. His parting words to me were about how I’d been laying on the guilt that he’s going. I haven’t said a fucking word, other than I wish I were going! Yes, I’ve got issues that the vacation that we’d planned as a fun get-away turned into HIS vacation. I LOVE Acadia and had looked forward to going, but whatever. He needs his time away to regroup, fine. I get that. I think it will be good for me to be alone in the house for a few days too. It’s been all about him for so many weeks now that maybe just maybe I’ll be able to get the feeling that it’s about me and what I need for a change.

I was late getting to work again today so Dino decided to have a chat with me about it. I get stuck in traffic every day so now I’m going to have to leave my house before 8am just to be sure I’m here in time to start my lousy ass job on time. He’s all like “I’m flexible, but really…” He wasn’t being very nice at all and speaking to me in a condescending tone that I took all the wrong way. He again went over how I made the decision to let my team (term used loosely here) leave at 5pm on Friday. Frickin other manager ratted me out so BigBen is on my shitlist. I tool 100% responsibility so he can’t go after the other two, but he’s all disappointed with me and the decisions I make. F him! I don’t get to make any decisions…I get no respect from SR Inbound management or from the two idiots I have working with me! I can’t make decisions without asking first, so tell me why they even need a SR Administrator in the first place?! They don’t – so my job is vulnerable. Hell, if I really put my mind to it I could realign our duties and save the company thousands my eliminating out jobs all together. If I thought there was someplace else for me to go, I sure would. Lay me off then, because I’m not going anywhere and I’m sick of being given shit jobs and no respect and getting talked to like I’m an idiot from this looser who has less management experience than I do.

After the chat about my lack of responsibility, I go to a meeting to plan the 2003 sales conference and I find that some of my ideas are being used and that I’m getting major kudos from the rest of the Administrators here at the company for my quick thinking and problem solving techniques! I guess my outspoken nature pays off somewhere because they all loved my revisions to the awards schedule and are planning on having a carnival on one of the evenings with bungee runs, Velcro walls etc, which is something I suggested rather than the DJ that no one goes to listen to. So after being treated like a child who’s taken one too many cookies, I get major props for my ideas. What a place, this company is. I’ve just got to get out of this department to maybe get a chance to go somewhere that I can use my brain.

Now I’m back at my desk where I have the option to either stuff envelopes with sales collateral or enter leads into our database. No thought required for either task. It hit me the other day how bizarre it is that I’m not enjoying my job because I’m getting paid too much to do too little. Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted? In looking for other positions, I find it difficult to get the same compensation that I make here and that kills me, because it’s not like I’m making a fortune doing what I’m doing. Most administrative type jobs in MA are paying in the high 20’s right now, and that would be a significant pay cut and a real problem. I could get what I’m making now with a Customer Service job, but then I’d have to listen to people complain all day. I remember the hell I had at my previous job and don’t think I could deal with the stress there. I look in other areas, but there are so many other qualified folks out there looking for work that I really don’t have an opportunity to even pitch myself as a hard worker & quick learner.

I’m just going to try to hold on to that feeling of respect I got from the meeting and hope that I can get through the day in one piece. I’m so emotionally frayed that I feel like I’ll burst out crying at the drop of a hat, so I’ll keep my head down and enter some more leads like a good little trained monkey.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

Blixx recently commented that while my blog description states that you might find poetry here, he's never seen it.
the blame
game
is lame
and it's a shame
if everything i post is taken literally
it will be bitterly
that i bid the blogs goodbye
with a sigh
and a good cry
don't you know
what all of this is doing to me
can't you see
that there's so little glee
for me
i say that i want us to be
glad
not sad
or mad
if i can't post here
my dear
to try to write and make my thoughts clear
then i fear
that i am alone
hearing about my sarcastic tone
wondering if our marriage is blown
to shit
and i'd throw a fit
but i'd be mocked for my negative whit
so all emotion i must omit
to play by your rules
and to develop the tools
to survive
this emotional dive
and revive
the love
reminicent of
the great joy we had in the past
which is in contrast
to how we treat each other lately
which needs improvement greatly
i'm on the brink
and we should see a shrink
don't you think
to find out why you are always bent
and what the past few weeks have really meant
and what's going on inside
and why i've cried
almost every day
there's no way
we've said all there is to say
why after all we've shared
i'm scared
to let it all out and tell you what's really on my mind
I can't unwind
you say to be kind
but i'm going out of my mind
i'm not concise
but by using this device
i ask for advice
on getting through without paying too high a price
just trying to be nice

Blixx asked me to post this:
I was infected with the WORM_KLEZ.H. virus. It takes your email add. book and replicates and keeps on going. Sorry. You should be all set if you have virus protection software, and since I hardly ever use my home computer I don't think I infected any of you, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Keep your eyes open.
archives are back up, I think.
Today's work day started with a ration of shyt from Dino. He was upset that I made the executive decision to let my team go at 5pm on Friday, they day before a long weekend. I got a whole No means No lecture. Well, he chose to start the week on a sour note so let the games begin!