I'm mad & venting

I'm freaking out about money. Blixx has been the only one working for over a year now, and while things have certainly been tight, we've managed. Lately it's been rough, to the point that I'm jugling the cash flow and using credit cards to pay off other credit cards. My car has had it and needs at least a grand thrown at it if I want to drive it farther than the grocery store, and the kid costs a fortune with diapers, formula, clothes and stuff. We need a car seat and it doesn't look like we'll be able to swing it this month. I didn't pay health insurance this month because we couldn't afford it.
What really has be bent is that several years ago (before we cought the house & before we had the kid) Blixx planned to go away with his friend Toad to celebrate Toad's 40th birthday. They are going to Colorodo to hang with RenEGade & AntiBill. It was going to be a month long trip involving rafting, kayaking & camping.

It's coming up this spring & Blixx is still going (although now for 2 weeks), even though that will mean leaving me home alone with his daughter. And even though that's 2 weeks that he won't be working at all, which means that if he goes in April, May is going to be a dirt poor month. We're stretched to our limit now, with him working all month!!! How the hell are we going to make it if he stops working to go SPEND money?!? And if I were to get a PT job to make some cash, then what do I do with Cass?

Then there's the whole he gets to go away and I'm stuck with the kid thing. He gets to have all the fun and I stay at home waiting to hear about it. Yeah, there's some resentment there. Tempest & Jacknife are going on a cruise and I'd give my left one to go with them! But no, I'm the mom now. Yes I made that bed, but I wish for just a second that he would have sat down with me and asked if we could swing it. If he'd shown the least little bit of concern. Nope, he just goes ahead and charges up the plane tickets. He doesn't even seem concerned. He thinks I'm being a brat that I can't go.

Yeah, I want to stamp my feet and whine and tell him not to go. But I also want to be able to pay the mortgage and have insurance and not worry that we're broke.

Thanks for reading. He's not around to bitch at, and when he is here he isn't listening on this particular topic.