George Carlin's take on Katrina

George Carlin on Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans

"Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the
bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans...First
we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Let's go
through a few hurricane rules:

First of all it was a hurricane, NOT an earthquake. WE KNEW IT WAS
COMING.

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the Fuck out!!!
Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. I don't want to hear this shit about how you couldn't. If you don't have a car, you have feet; you have a thumb; and there were buses that came and no one rode out.

#2. If there is an emergency and you plan not to evacuate, stock up on water and non-perishables (and rubber rafts). If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving and wet.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone!

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked their ass off to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation and you were stupid enough to stay doesn't give you the right to take their shit...it's theirs, not yours.

#2c. If you're one of those assholes who subjected their children to this disaster by staying in New Orleans, putting what you wanted to do before their safety, then you need to be prosecuted for endangering their lives. If you are a person who stole non-edible items in front of your children then you should be prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of minors. And if your child was hurt, became ill due to the conditions or died during this disaster, then your ass should be executed.

#3. If someone comes in to help you don't -ucking shoot at them and then complain no one is trying to help you!!! I'm not getting my ass shot to help save some stupid son of a bitch who didn't leave when he was told to.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water odds are your belongings are too far gone for anyone to want them so saying that is the reason for staying put is ridiculous. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! It's New Orleans, for Christ's sake - find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans and the Russians didn't do it as a way to destroy America. The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane. For crying out loud, we've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years!!!

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living.

#8. This situation was the fault of your state's power-hungry Governor (dumb bitch didn't want to admit she wasn't in control and hand things over to FEMA and National Guard) and your proud, but innately ignorant, Mayor. The year after he was elected Nagy took ALL the $4.5 Million in emergency funds allocated to assist New Orleans' residents in just this type disaster and used them to teach minority kids to play sports. So if you're up to your waist in muck and starving, ask a kid with a basketball for some assistance because he is the one that got all the money for just such an emergency.

Thank you for allowing me to rant."