Christmas Eve Ponder

So much of the time I'm frustrated because I don't have any time alone, where no one is bothering me, no one NEEDING anything.
Here it is Christmas eve and I all I want is some companionship. Cass is snoring away, awaiting the treasure trove of gifts under the tree. I know she got good stuff, cuz I bought it all for her. I wrapped it too - or I will anyway. I sit here in the land of self-pity (with a healthy glass of wine)taking a break from the sea of gifts that still need wrapping.
Blixx is sick. He's tired and achy (what else is new)with a sore throat. You'd think the world were coming to an end how he moped and slithered around, trying to 'help' until I sent him upstairs for fear that I'd unleash my inner Grinch on his ass and ruin Christmas. He slept until noon, watched football, ate dinner out, took a nap...I guess I'd feel bad for him if he'd DONE anything today.
See, that's the thing. I have this picture in my head of this idealic Christmas, filled with mulled cider, carols and companionship. I just feel like I've been working my ass off and for what?! This empty feeling?
Ok, so if Blixx had wrapped some gifts while I was out delivering Christmas cheer this afternoon, I could have been done with all this crap and out with my friends. Instead, I got so frustrated that when the friends called, I snapped like a dry twig cuz they were someone to yell at. I've got this frustration and anxiety building up inside me and no outlet. So here's a smart decision, piss off those who reach out. Nice one.
I thought I wanted to be left alone to have an entire thought without interruption. Looks like that ain't what it's cracked up to be either.
Heading off to the presents now. The house cleaning will just have to wait. As long as Cass can make a beeline for the tree and her gifts, I'll be happy. Anything else is just BS anyway.Christmas is all about family and I'll do what I can to keep it together to take care of mine.
Thanks for listening. Better now.

Get my head out of my ass

I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy and I just don't get a whole lot of time to sit down and reflect on it. Also, some comments made here ended up biting me in the ass, so I guess my outlet for emotional purging had to take a little nap.
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas is breathing down my neck. I find it amusing that the holidays are so closely connected, when really they are polar opposites. Be thankful for all you have...then get your ass to the mall to BUY BUY BUY all the things you 'need.'

Anyway the year has been a wild ride. I have some good friends to lean on, even if I have to lean way to often. I do get the impression that I'm a broken record. It's all just the same shit different day.

I've got some serious resolutions to make in the new year to get my shit together and make myself happy. Waiting around for some one or thing to do it for me hasn't worked out so far.

Pictures

This was from way back at the Spencer Fair in September, but I just love how peaceful the girls look. At $5 a pop for face painting, it was steep but the artwork was terrific.

This was taken 2 Sundays ago, during a cookie making frenzy. We're raising quite the Pat's fan. Next time you see her, ask her who her favorite Patriot is and why. Prepare to laugh your head off.

The weather in New England has been unseasonably warm of late. This was taken on a woods walk in late November, near the Worcester airport. We try to get out as much as possible.


The mall now has a carosel in the food court...so it costs me $3 more to go to the mall now. Cass loves it though so it's a small price to pay.