An Adventure

There was an embarrasing amount of marrital discourd between Blixx & I over stupid shit while we were camping last weekend. I really dont' think we're camping with the group again. We just can't take it. He can't share his stuff, he looses everything and somehow it's our fault, so we make sarcastic comments which make it worse. Going to 6 Flaggs he was pissed off at me, the world, everything even before we walked into the park. He was yelling or ranting or taking off all weekend and made it uncomfortable for everyone. I sulked or cried or tried to talk, only to get my head bitten off...again. It was so hard for me to have fun - I was just so unbelievably sad and tense the whole time. I really wished we had taken 2 cars so I could send him home and have some fun with people I like hanging around with.

I didn't get home until after 11pm (he waited until everyone else had gone before even starting to break down camp)and the whole ride (2 hours) he spent telling me what he wants and how people should treat him with respect and what he needs. No room for me or my needs at all. Now, he hasn't slept a decent night sleep since we arrived and it's hot and he just re-loaded the car all by himself cuz he's a martyr, so I just let him go off and tried not to let him notice the tears.

Next day, more of the same. It was a big rehash of everything that went wrong. He came to me as I was doing dishes and off handed said to me that he didn't want to make me cow tow to him. That was it. BULLSHIT he doesn't. We had it out and I yelled that he's been treating me like shit for years and I'm just not taking it anymore. He wants respect? Try handing it out once in a while. There was more to it, or less. I don't know. I was just sick of hearing what he wants and thought he should listen to me for a change.

I ended up taking a nice drive for myself and reading Girls Guide to Vampires at a local lake while I cooled down. We talked a little more in the evening and I know he gets where I'm coming from, because he put it in terms I know he understands. He treats me like a Production Assistant on a shoot - someone to dump shit on who doesn't know her ass from her elbow. He apologized and has been trying to be better. It helps he's working again so he isn't around most of the day, then I went out last night so I guess avoiding each other is key to making my marriage work.

I'm supposed to go away this weekend, but he's working late tonight and took a job for Sunday, so I guess my need to escape just won't happen quite yet. If I don't get to go to Tempest's estrogen weekend, perhaps I'll take the kayak out on Saturday. Or I'll meet Tempest at the mall. Something. Anything. I need to get away and allow myself to relax. And Blixx could use some quality time with Cass.

Just last week everything was looking so good with us. I mean really looking up. I hate that I reflect his moods so much, like I can't be happy if he isn't.

And it's not like I can go anywhere, there's Cass to think about.