Christmas Eve Ponder

So much of the time I'm frustrated because I don't have any time alone, where no one is bothering me, no one NEEDING anything.
Here it is Christmas eve and I all I want is some companionship. Cass is snoring away, awaiting the treasure trove of gifts under the tree. I know she got good stuff, cuz I bought it all for her. I wrapped it too - or I will anyway. I sit here in the land of self-pity (with a healthy glass of wine)taking a break from the sea of gifts that still need wrapping.
Blixx is sick. He's tired and achy (what else is new)with a sore throat. You'd think the world were coming to an end how he moped and slithered around, trying to 'help' until I sent him upstairs for fear that I'd unleash my inner Grinch on his ass and ruin Christmas. He slept until noon, watched football, ate dinner out, took a nap...I guess I'd feel bad for him if he'd DONE anything today.
See, that's the thing. I have this picture in my head of this idealic Christmas, filled with mulled cider, carols and companionship. I just feel like I've been working my ass off and for what?! This empty feeling?
Ok, so if Blixx had wrapped some gifts while I was out delivering Christmas cheer this afternoon, I could have been done with all this crap and out with my friends. Instead, I got so frustrated that when the friends called, I snapped like a dry twig cuz they were someone to yell at. I've got this frustration and anxiety building up inside me and no outlet. So here's a smart decision, piss off those who reach out. Nice one.
I thought I wanted to be left alone to have an entire thought without interruption. Looks like that ain't what it's cracked up to be either.
Heading off to the presents now. The house cleaning will just have to wait. As long as Cass can make a beeline for the tree and her gifts, I'll be happy. Anything else is just BS anyway.Christmas is all about family and I'll do what I can to keep it together to take care of mine.
Thanks for listening. Better now.

Get my head out of my ass

I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy and I just don't get a whole lot of time to sit down and reflect on it. Also, some comments made here ended up biting me in the ass, so I guess my outlet for emotional purging had to take a little nap.
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas is breathing down my neck. I find it amusing that the holidays are so closely connected, when really they are polar opposites. Be thankful for all you have...then get your ass to the mall to BUY BUY BUY all the things you 'need.'

Anyway the year has been a wild ride. I have some good friends to lean on, even if I have to lean way to often. I do get the impression that I'm a broken record. It's all just the same shit different day.

I've got some serious resolutions to make in the new year to get my shit together and make myself happy. Waiting around for some one or thing to do it for me hasn't worked out so far.

Pictures

This was from way back at the Spencer Fair in September, but I just love how peaceful the girls look. At $5 a pop for face painting, it was steep but the artwork was terrific.

This was taken 2 Sundays ago, during a cookie making frenzy. We're raising quite the Pat's fan. Next time you see her, ask her who her favorite Patriot is and why. Prepare to laugh your head off.

The weather in New England has been unseasonably warm of late. This was taken on a woods walk in late November, near the Worcester airport. We try to get out as much as possible.


The mall now has a carosel in the food court...so it costs me $3 more to go to the mall now. Cass loves it though so it's a small price to pay.

Rocky Horror Halloween in CT

LOST

Take the quiz:
Which LOST character are you?

Claire
You are Claire You are very sweet, but you carry the spawn of Satan.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Catch Up

Well, I'm back at the radio station today, which is why I have a moment to post here. What have I been up to? Hmmmmm.
The month of August completely got the best of me - it just flew by. Blixx has been working like a madman. I've been chasing Cass. She's getting so big & the other day she wrote the letters C & A!! She's turned some corner & is much more graceful & able to climb (arg!); she hears everything we say & asks questions if we're talking in code & has generally blossomed.
Blixx & I have our ups & downs but for the most part are staying the course. We're being more up front with each other & trying desperately not to let the little things get us down, but damn sometimes it's difficult. I guess that's what marriage is all about.
Labor Day weekend....Friday night Blixx worked late & went out for drinks after work, so Grips & I got an early start & yikes, I was more than a bit tipsy. We were supposed to go to the Spencer Fair on Saturday, but the weather didn't look too hot so we skipped it & went to dinner at Grips instead. Sunday was a complete rain out (woo hoo on us not getting our shit together for camp reservations!. Cass got up earlier than usual, at around 7:30am, and had an attitude so it was a rough morning all around. I'd been feeling run down for a few days so when Blixx got up at around 10:30am I just wandered back upstairs & crashed back into his warm spot. I slept until almost 2pm!!!
I guess I really needed it because I feel a world of better - I can think more clearly & I don't feel like I'm dragging my ass any more. I guess I need more sleep so I better start looking for more hours in the day.
After much debate (stay in pj's or pants?), we decided to go to dinner at Ikea. It's an hour drive, so at 6pm on Sunday we loaded the kid into the car & drove in the rain....only to find that for some reason, there are parking spots near the door, but the escalators are all pointed down & out of the store, the elevator doesn't work, the doors are locked. D'oh! It was SUNDAY so they closed at 6pm. This is our second trip to Ikea for a desk that we still haven't been able to bring home. I think we're going to try again tomorrow, if Blixx isn't working. He's got a huge jones for swedish meatballs from their cafeteria. Really cool store with full restaurant. I had chicken marlsala last time we were there and dontcha know it, it was yummy! Blixx had salmon that was juicy & delicious. Shit now I'm hungry.
Anyway, Sunday evening we had a much needed non-Grips evening. It goes pretty much the same as if he's there with us, except I tend to drink & smoke considerably less & Blixx & talk about 'stuff' considerably more. It was good for us.
Yesterday, Cass woke us up at 7:15am, bouncing on our bed & chanting "Cotton Candy! Fair! Roller Coasters! Cotton Candy!" so it became clear to us that we were going to the Fair after all. We spent Labor Day at the Spencer Fair, which was a ton of fun. Cass loved the ferris wheel, got her face painted (cute, but $5 damn!) & ate a ton of crap. I'll post pictures from home in the next day or so. She's an adrenaline junky. We went on some big rides and she was terrific.

New Favorite Song

Hinder - Get Stoned

Just hear me out
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes
I highly doubt
I can make it through another of your episodes
Lashing out
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control
You wear me out
But it's all right now
Lets go home and get stoned
We could end up makin love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
You wear me out (We could end up making love instead of misery)
But it's all right now
Without a doubt
The break up is worth the make up sex you're givin me
Lets hash it out
Cause your bitchin and your yellin don't mean anything
Don't count me out
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying
You wear me out
But it's all right now
Let's go home and get stoned
We could end up makin love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
You wear me out (We could end up makin love instead of misery)
But it's alright now
Lets go home and get stoned
We could end up makin love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
Go home and get stoned
We could end up making love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
You wear me out
(We could end up makin love instead of misery)
But it's all right now
(Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me)
Lets go home and get stoned

Listen to a live version at WAAF. It's even better than the album version.

SherBear Comes to Visit

Sherbear came to visit family in MA and I got to hang out with her. We went to a BBQ down at her parent's house and had a great time. Our girls get along so well together. I just wish Florida was a little closer.

Girls Only Camping

This is the view from our camp site. We got some terrific sunsets.
This is apparently a cecropia caterpillar which one of the ladies found in her travels. I'd never seen anything like it.
I went campign with 4 other girlfriends and had an absolute blast. We went to Tully Lake, which is beautiful but you have to carry your own gear into the sights. Wouldn't you know it, we were the farthest away from the cars as you could get. But we took care of ourselves, ate like the Queens that we are and enjoyed the lack of whining and drama. It was a little slice of heaven.

Davis Farmland

We spent the day at Davis Farmland , a hands on farm that lets the little kids run around & pet the farm animals. We even took a hayride and went to the water park for some fun in the sun. Cass had a great time with Toria & QBall.