NO MORE SHOTS!!! alt title: OW MY STINKIN HEAD!!

I've really got to stop this bullshit. I went out last night to Vincent's with Grips & Beano and proceeded to get shitfaced...again. I'm a 3 beer kind of girl...yet I had 4 beers & a couple shots. It's like a race - how to get hammered as soon as possible, like I'm never going to be able to go out ever again. I tell myself that I'm not going to do it, then whamo I'm closing down the joint, after Blixx was clear that he wanted me home earlier rather than later.

I'm running away from my responsibilities & using the booze as an excelerant. I get all sloppy & drive home, which is horrible. I should be more responsible - I've got a baby to take care of & I need to quit putting her out of my mind, even for a minute. I need to find a way to go out & have fun, without putting my life in jeapordy.

Cass was awake when I got home, which means Blixx didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep before he had to work all day today. I heard her & came running, but Blixx was already in her room. I don't think he wanted my drunk ass handling the baby. God, how horrible is that? What the hell kind of mother am I?

He was in a piss poor mood when he arrived last night, nit picking & grumpy, so I can only imagine what I have in store for me this evening. He asked me to promise not to smoke any cigs while I was out & I blew that too. I complain that we're not communicating, meanwhile I'm running away like a petulant child.

No more shots. I'm staying away from the hard stuff for a good long time because it leads to nothing but trouble. And I don't think I'll be going out again for a while - let things cool down a bit before suggesting a night on the town. Let this self loathing settle down before going another round.

Man, I'm disapointed in myself.