As you can see, I've been at the HTML again. I don't know why I can't help myself..perhaps it's the utter boredom at work. I can turn my little brain off and just zone out to entering leads into our database, same thing over and over. Then I get home at night and it's all 300 things at once. Arg! It's tough to keep switching gears like that without gettimg grumpy or reactionary.
Blixx is still doing well, although he gets frazzled at times of great stress, of which there are still many. He hasn't quite figured out how to balance everything going on in his life right now, but he will. He's re-connecting with his friends, which means a lot to me and them. He paddled with Toad yesterday, after they moved my loveseat over and hooked up the phone line, then went and met Grips at Vincent's for a few pops. They ended up back at our place so Blixx could show off his tractor. I turned off the light at 1am, so I'm sure Blixx's grumpy mood has something to do with the late night beers and lack of sleep. I've only spoken to him once today and he sounded stressed out. Perhaps it's the list of things to do...but damn it I need laundry done so I have my fingers crossed he can get the part he needs to get that damn dryer up & running! And he won't get paid if he doesn't invoice!
Ok...now thats off my chest. Every night this week I'm heading over to the apartment to drag a couple more boxes of crap back to the house. We're down to the stuff we should really just pitch, but can't bear to part with, like my paper machet dinosaur that my Dad brought me when I was sick as a kid. Yeah, that's a keeper. I still haven't put rods in my closet to hang tall items, so the guest room looks like a Filene's Basement Clearence event, with clothes and shoes strewn everywhere. It's quite the decorating look.
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Monday, August 26, 2002
Blixx was followed and searched by security at WalMart Friday afternoon. Quite the experience & it set the tone for the early part of the evening. I mentioned that Rox came out...well, she brought all 4 kids to our un-child-proof house and mayhem ensued. Poor Blixx had a stressful day! The tractor is a ride on mower with a plow attachment that kicks total ass. The look on Blixx's face as he took it for a spin was worth the big check.
We ended up watching the Pats kick Carolina's ass at Brew City, where I had that watermelon beer that I like so much, and enjoyed potato skins with BBQ sause and sausage...quite yummy! There was a guitar guy at the bar who took requests. I grabbed a napkin & wrote a title on it...and he'd play it, without me ever getting up. It was wierd...he was psychic! Ok, I'd had a couple beers so maybe I was reading too much into it.
The rest of the weekend was spent putzing around the house making it more like a home. I continued my quest to get everything where I want it in the kitchen. We have an entire cabinet dedicated to just snacks! Curtains (purchased at the Ames Going Out Of Business Sale, at great expense of my personal safety & well-being) really make a world of difference. We unpacked some nick naks and moved some stuff around to make it more US, and less craphole.
Made a great chicken & shrimp stir fry over rice noodles for dinner.
We ended up watching the Pats kick Carolina's ass at Brew City, where I had that watermelon beer that I like so much, and enjoyed potato skins with BBQ sause and sausage...quite yummy! There was a guitar guy at the bar who took requests. I grabbed a napkin & wrote a title on it...and he'd play it, without me ever getting up. It was wierd...he was psychic! Ok, I'd had a couple beers so maybe I was reading too much into it.
The rest of the weekend was spent putzing around the house making it more like a home. I continued my quest to get everything where I want it in the kitchen. We have an entire cabinet dedicated to just snacks! Curtains (purchased at the Ames Going Out Of Business Sale, at great expense of my personal safety & well-being) really make a world of difference. We unpacked some nick naks and moved some stuff around to make it more US, and less craphole.
Made a great chicken & shrimp stir fry over rice noodles for dinner.
Friday, August 23, 2002
We're getting there & it's all about communication.
I'm even being less of a bitch in the morning, unless provoked of course.
Blixx woke me by rubbing
We went out for a wonderful dinner at Biagio's in Worcester last night. We're trying all these new places near our house & we found a winner. The bartender Kevin was a hoot, & made fine strong margaritas, & we ended up closing the place down & hanging with the wait staff. We watched Worcester Little League get in to the finals, beating out Brooklyn, on the big screen. Great meal, great conversation...now THAT's what I'm talking about. Good times.
Blixx's sister Roxy is coming out today with her husband to see the house & deliver a tractor/mover/snow blower to us. I guess her hubby used to use it on construction jobs, but hasn't in a while so he's looking to sell it. We'll pay on installments and get a good deal. I'm sure our neighbors will be pleased to have us finally cut our lawn. I'm glad Blixx will have some time to spend with his sister, who is almost as worried about him as I am.
We're hanging out just the two of us tonight, watching the Patriots game together. No party, no one other than us. Yeah baby! Hmmm, what to cook for dinner...?
I'm even being less of a bitch in the morning, unless provoked of course.
Blixx woke me by rubbing
We went out for a wonderful dinner at Biagio's in Worcester last night. We're trying all these new places near our house & we found a winner. The bartender Kevin was a hoot, & made fine strong margaritas, & we ended up closing the place down & hanging with the wait staff. We watched Worcester Little League get in to the finals, beating out Brooklyn, on the big screen. Great meal, great conversation...now THAT's what I'm talking about. Good times.
Blixx's sister Roxy is coming out today with her husband to see the house & deliver a tractor/mover/snow blower to us. I guess her hubby used to use it on construction jobs, but hasn't in a while so he's looking to sell it. We'll pay on installments and get a good deal. I'm sure our neighbors will be pleased to have us finally cut our lawn. I'm glad Blixx will have some time to spend with his sister, who is almost as worried about him as I am.
We're hanging out just the two of us tonight, watching the Patriots game together. No party, no one other than us. Yeah baby! Hmmm, what to cook for dinner...?
Thursday, August 22, 2002
It's been a difficult time in Chynakatt & Blixx-ville. Those of you who were there in CT on Saturday to help us move (THANK YOU AGAIN) saw only the beginnings of what turned out to be a huge storm. I don't think I'll go into details here, at least not now. I'm still sorting everything out in my head, but I'll say that some bad shyt happened that scared the living hell out of me. Thankfully our friends came through and I was able to give over control and get the assistance I needed. WE needed. Saturday night I thought it was all over but today there is light at the end of the tunnel...there is hope for recovery. Each day brings us closer to where we need to be.
Right now I know that I need to throw myself back into work and get my scattered thoughts back in some semblance of order.
To those of you who were there for me (us) on Saturday and the past few days, you are truly wonderful friends and we are blessed to know you. Toad, Grips & Teacher are my heros. Honorable mention to HighOctane, DrJim and MysteryGeek. Appropriate apologies are forthcoming to those who fell prey to the dark forces. We just need some time to get out with the old & in with the new.
Right now I know that I need to throw myself back into work and get my scattered thoughts back in some semblance of order.
To those of you who were there for me (us) on Saturday and the past few days, you are truly wonderful friends and we are blessed to know you. Toad, Grips & Teacher are my heros. Honorable mention to HighOctane, DrJim and MysteryGeek. Appropriate apologies are forthcoming to those who fell prey to the dark forces. We just need some time to get out with the old & in with the new.
Friday, August 16, 2002
I don't know if it's getting better or not. Last night certainly wasn't any good at all. I found myself sitting in the dining room, eating the wonderful 'kitchen sink' crock pot meal that Blixx had made, all by myself. I ended up crying on his shoulder for a few minutes, but we really couldn't get into it. Grips came over & tried to tell me that things will get better. He's an ok dude.
Went to bed alone again...well that's not exactly true. Koya the cat, who is usually not the most social or cuddly fur friend, jumped up into bed and made muffins on my chest until I calmed down and was able to fall asleep. Cats are amazing, sensing moods etc.
Blixx asked me to bang into work today so we could spend time together. I'm compromising and leaving 1/2 day. Bounce called in sick & if she doesn't bring a doctor's note she's going to get canned. At least she better! I really do feel like crap - told the boss it's a tummy thing, which seems to be going around. Really, it's just that I didn't sleep well and I've been crying too much lately. Sinus crap.
U-haul just called. They can't guarantee a truck tomorrow. No time, nothing definate. This is a HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM!!!
Went to bed alone again...well that's not exactly true. Koya the cat, who is usually not the most social or cuddly fur friend, jumped up into bed and made muffins on my chest until I calmed down and was able to fall asleep. Cats are amazing, sensing moods etc.
Blixx asked me to bang into work today so we could spend time together. I'm compromising and leaving 1/2 day. Bounce called in sick & if she doesn't bring a doctor's note she's going to get canned. At least she better! I really do feel like crap - told the boss it's a tummy thing, which seems to be going around. Really, it's just that I didn't sleep well and I've been crying too much lately. Sinus crap.
U-haul just called. They can't guarantee a truck tomorrow. No time, nothing definate. This is a HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM!!!
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
We pause our scheduled programing for this emergency Rant.
Why can’t we talk to each other any more? Is it lack of sleep, or something more sinister? You say no sarcasm…well that’s my best defense! Defense against what, you ask? I defend against the overwhelming emotions welling up inside of me – joy, doubt, excitement, fear…all rapid fire & coming on with no warning. How am I doing? I’m on a roller coaster traveling at light speed from good to bad, high to low and there’s no safety net. There is no synergy right now. We aren’t working toward the same goals – or perhaps we are, but we haven’t yet discussed what those goals ARE. I mention something that needs to get done & either you can’t hear it right now or it’s all ‘yeah yeah don’t worry about it.’ We try to talk and you end up telling me what I can and can’t say and what tones I can or can’t use.
Today on the phone you said that you were happy in our home now because I wasn’t there and you could do your own thing. That cut right through me! You asked if I was happy last night to be able to just jump into the kitchen cleaning project on my own. No, I wasn’t. I was wishing you were there to help me and talk with me and laugh with me and plan with me and play with me. Instead, I was lonely and sad and crying. OK?
I had this dream that we’d be side by side working on different projects around the house together, laughing and talking and planning for the future. Not once since you carried me over the threshold have I felt that we were on the same emotional page. It doesn’t help that you don’t sleep in our bed any more. Not once since we moved in have I fallen asleep next to you and woken with you at my side. It is just another sign of the separation I’m feeling.
It’s not all you. I’m really task oriented, constantly making lists in an attempt to organize myself. My emotions, fueled by mother nature’s cruel curse are on edge and I can barely let myself Be. But we have to Be together and Be loving and Be listening and Be talking with each other.
By the time you read this I’ll either be over it or be upset about something else, but damn it we’ve got to start working together and talking to each other. I’m sad and angry that it isn’t like I’d always imagined it to be and upset that I don’t know how to fix it.
Why can’t we talk to each other any more? Is it lack of sleep, or something more sinister? You say no sarcasm…well that’s my best defense! Defense against what, you ask? I defend against the overwhelming emotions welling up inside of me – joy, doubt, excitement, fear…all rapid fire & coming on with no warning. How am I doing? I’m on a roller coaster traveling at light speed from good to bad, high to low and there’s no safety net. There is no synergy right now. We aren’t working toward the same goals – or perhaps we are, but we haven’t yet discussed what those goals ARE. I mention something that needs to get done & either you can’t hear it right now or it’s all ‘yeah yeah don’t worry about it.’ We try to talk and you end up telling me what I can and can’t say and what tones I can or can’t use.
Today on the phone you said that you were happy in our home now because I wasn’t there and you could do your own thing. That cut right through me! You asked if I was happy last night to be able to just jump into the kitchen cleaning project on my own. No, I wasn’t. I was wishing you were there to help me and talk with me and laugh with me and plan with me and play with me. Instead, I was lonely and sad and crying. OK?
I had this dream that we’d be side by side working on different projects around the house together, laughing and talking and planning for the future. Not once since you carried me over the threshold have I felt that we were on the same emotional page. It doesn’t help that you don’t sleep in our bed any more. Not once since we moved in have I fallen asleep next to you and woken with you at my side. It is just another sign of the separation I’m feeling.
It’s not all you. I’m really task oriented, constantly making lists in an attempt to organize myself. My emotions, fueled by mother nature’s cruel curse are on edge and I can barely let myself Be. But we have to Be together and Be loving and Be listening and Be talking with each other.
By the time you read this I’ll either be over it or be upset about something else, but damn it we’ve got to start working together and talking to each other. I’m sad and angry that it isn’t like I’d always imagined it to be and upset that I don’t know how to fix it.
