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If I’m not making sense, I’m sorry. I don’t know what the problem was, but I didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time last night. I feel so out of it, like I’ve been partying all night. Too bad I didn’t – at least then I’d have an excuse for feeling like shit. Reading usually wipes me out, so I grabbed a book and started reading. I was yawning like crazy so I clicked off the lights and snuggled next to my already comatose hubby. And then, the tossing and turning began. I couldn’t get comfortable. I couldn’t breath. I even got up around 2ish and downed some Nyquil. I did have a stuffy nose, but mostly I took it in the hopes that I’ll get some sleep. Nope. I didn’t get into a deep sleep until what must have been around 6am…the alarm goes off at 7 so I’m a little punchy.

I’ve got a presentation to make today at work. It’s a tough crowd and I hope it goes well. I’m betting that it was just anxiety that kept me awake last night. Or (scary thought here – big admission) it was that I didn’t get stoned. Actually, it’s been two days. That’s two more days that it’s been in a really long time. If I admit that I have a problem, then I obviously have a problem with it. If I deny that shmoking is a problem, then denial is a symptom of the problem. It’s a catch 22. I know that there will be plenty of shmoking going on over our vacation – it IS vacation after all, but I’m thinking that when we return I should save the shmoke for ‘special’ occasions. At least cut down to every other day or some crap like that. Just something I’m pondering. And yes, I know that I should quit smoking cigarettes. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Note to my friends who are down:

If you don’t like your job – change it. Either make the one you have better (my current strategy) or get another one. Monster.com is the best – and that’s my unbiased opinion…yeah right!

If you don’t like where you live, then move. If you don’t like who you live with, then have them move.

I know this sounds like the oversimplified rant of an overtired lunatic, but the easiest way to change is to effect the change yourself. There are plenty of outside influences that tell us we’re fat or stupid or worthless or petty or that our opinions are wrong. We have to tell ourselves that we’re right and that we’re worthy of our own self-love. No, I’m not making a Darling Nikki reference here. I’m just saying that if we can’t give ourselves a pep talk and tell ourselves that we rock, then how can we expect others to do it for us?

This is going to sound so queer, but I use my drive time hours to list to myself 3 things that I’ve done well or that I like about myself. And, I speak them aloud. I know, I know…boy am I going to get crap for this! I’m serious though. It helps me keep focused on the positive, rather than the crap around me. I also try to remember that there are some things that you just can’t change, no matter how badly you want to. If the reports are off at work and I’ve got the VP’s all up my ass…I’ve just got to remember that there’s really nothing I can do and that they aren’t mad at me, they are mad at the situation. While you are picking yourself up off the floor laughing Tempest, remember that you asked for motivational tape ideas…where do you think I got these ideas?

If you can’t change the people around you, then change the people around you.
I heard that from a really powerful speaker at a conference I attended for work and it stuck with me. If the people around you (coworkers, friends, lovers – whatever) treat you like shit then why in your right mind would you want that person still around you? CHANGE!

I’m loosing cohesion here. Coming unglued.


Unwrapped
I tumble to the ground
Like so much discarded pretty paper
Ribbons of the gift that is sleep
Entwine with doubt and fatigue
Pulling me into a warm embrace
Sleep in an enticing mistress
Who eludes me when I need her the most
And floats around me like a misty morning
Bringing dreams of change


Hey, not a bad poem for 2 hours sleep.

You won’t be hearing from me for a few days, as I’ll be in Maine rafting and relaxing. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and I can’t wait to hear the stories from Darkmoon’s party.

Into the future…

I want to point out that I've added a new link to Logi's Loft over in the right. I don't think I've met Logi, but she's one of the Clots (thanks Nightskye) who's linked on friend's pages. I check her blog out periodicly, and today noticed that she's linked to me! Thanks! I figured that I would return the favor. I hope you saw a terrific movie and had a nice night out away from the kiddies.

Greetings all! I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was quite relaxing, actually. There was a lot of talk about getting off the couch and doing something, just not a lot of action. Blixx got back from his camping adventure at around 9, and we ate pizza and watched Farscape with DaveGrips. I do so love that show, and I’m dying to see what goes on when everyone gets back on Moya. I’ve heard that the SciFi channel is running the series from the very beginning at 8pm Mon – Thurs starting next week. You can bet that our vcr will be all set to tape. Besides, there isn’t a whole lot new and interesting on TV lately. Witchblade’s season finale is this week, so my Tuesday nights will be free again until October when Buffy starts up again.I'd give you a link to Buffy, but WB discontinued her website. Bastards!

We went over to DaveGrip’s house on Saturday and floated in his pool for a few hours. The weather report had said it was going to be a super nice day, yet once my little tootsies entered the pool a dark and menacing cloud appeared and did not dissipate until I had retreated into the house. Damn the Weather Channel to Hell! While I didn’t get the sunburn I had hoped for, I did manage to finish book 4. I was so into the book I forgot that I was freezing my ass off. We grilled a steak and I made veggie goulash from a summer squash and tomatoes from their garden. Veggie stealing – it’s a crime of passion. As we were crashing out with Alex the cat and watching the Patriots pull off another win over Carolina, we realized that we would inevitably fall asleep and perhaps we should be on our own couch, with our own cats. We were lazy pieces of shyt all weekend long and loved every minute of it.

Sunday we went out to Uno’s for dinner and I got a Chicago Blues Electric Ice Tea. It’s a blue LI Ice tea and I was good and buzzed by the time we saw the movie. I highly recommend this blue devil of a drink.

MOVIE REVIEW: Ok, so we saw Planet of the Apes. I’d read all of your reviews so I knew that the ending was going to suck and that Marky Mark was wearing far to many clothes to be interesting, but I didn’t expect the sexual tension between Mark and the ape lady. I found it unsettling. Lisa Marie’s collagen injected lips were also a bit too bazaar. I’m glad I saw the movie on the big screen for the detail of the sets. The ape city was absolutely beautiful to look at, & a great deal of thought was put into the movements of the apes, costumes etc. Really good to look at, but as usual the script lacked style and ooompf.

We didn’t pay for the movie. Our local Hoyt’s theater doesn’t have anyone checking tickets at the door. So, we just waltzed in, past the super long line of lemmings at the ticket counter. This isn’t the first time we’ve done it either. I mean, what are they thinking? You can just walk right in and no one challenges you. The ironic thing is that we bought several movie passes from AAA for a discount. We’ve essentially already paid for the movies, but we haven’t had to use the passes yet. I suppose we will use them eventually, since they do expire at the end of the year. Maybe that’s what we’ll give for Christmas presents. At $5.00 a soda, I’m not feeling the least bit guilty shafting them.

In my continuing quest to bring you shark related news, I saw that there were two more attacks reported in Florida over the weekend. I don’t think I’ll be doing any ocean swimming on my visit to Florida in October.

Well, work sucks the same as it did last week. My only consolation is that I’m leaving Wednesday for vacation. I just took advantage of my bosses return from HER vacation and in a weak moment she decided to let me have Wednesday off, rather than me having to work a ½ day. Considering that we’ve got a 7-hour drive ahead of us, I’m glad we can leave as early as possible. Want to see where I’ll be? Check out the MOXY link on the right. I’ll be camping right next to Lake Moxie and rafting on Friday. I’m hoping to check out Moxie Falls and do some kayaking on the lake as well. Um, I cannot wait. I am obsessed and have even put a picture of Lake Moxie on my desktop to stare at.

I am regretful that I will not be able to attend Darkmoon’s party this Saturday. I look forward to all the gruesome details. I wonder if Syn & T will even show up. Damn, I wish I could be there. Someone tell Syn I say HI and give her my e-mail, will ya? Thanks.

Back to work for this girl.

Into the future…

I'm full of funky links today. I hope thats alright.

In surfing the net looking for amusements, I came across this article about our alleged tax refund checks. According to this, we're just going to get screwed for the money next year. I mean, I'm not shocked to be screwed by the government. I'm not that nieve - I knew there had to be a catch. I'm just a little astounded that they were able to pull this off so well. Perhaps I'm just the last to learn of this - I'm not as up to date on current events as I should be.

I want to go see a movie this weekend. I know Blixx wants to see Planet of the Apes, but I'm thinking more along the lines of American Pie 2. I need a good comedy, and from all the blog reviews of Apes, I'm just not into it. Check out this selection. Any suggestions?

I'm still tweeking the website, and I'm open to suggestions. I've also got something that might help.

I was reading Angel's blog and she DID manage to depress me. Good job, girlie! There was a lot of press coverage about the 15 year old girl's abduction, as it started in MA. I find it so hard to believe that the parents would be so out of the loop as to not suspect that there was something wrong with their daughter. The whole thing started online when the LI Scumbags chatted (via AOL IM) with the girl about helping her run away. They picked her up after her shift at the mall and drove her back to LI. I know it's hard to be a parent, but I hope to the higher power(s) that I'll be a better parent than these folks. Blixx and I do want to have children and we will do our best to raise them the best we can. We will raise him/her to be strong and have a healthy sense of self-worth. I can't promise that I will be their best friend, but I will make sure that there's an adult that I trust, that the kid trusts as well - an aunt or uncle they can confide in, but who will also confide in me if there are any major problems.

As for the single mother of 5...that's 5 tax deductions, and 5 more bucks on the welfare check. I know - I'm forever the optimist.

There was another

Thursday, August 16, 2001

Blixx is off hiking and camping for the night, so it's bed and a book for this girl. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm hoping that a good night sleep will break me out of the funk I've been in. I'm sick of the same shyt different day mentality that I've easily fallen back into. I need some excitement, some adventure. Perhaps my rafting trip next week will take care of that. We shall see.

I saw a news story today that said that there was a strange gathering of sharks off the coast of Florida. There have been several shark attacks off the coast of MA too. Hmmm, I wonder if they are plotting to take over the world?

In other news:
Hooters plans to fight waitress' 'toy Yoda' claim
PANAMA CITY, Fla. — A spokesman for the owner of several local Hooters restaurants said the company will fight a former waitress' lawsuit alleging her employer promised her a Toyota but gave her a toy Yoda. Jodee Berry, 26, won a contest in early May to see who could sell the most beer in April at the Panama City Beach Hooters. The top-selling waitress from each restaurant in the area was entered into a drawing, and Berry's name was picked. She believed she'd won a new car.

The jokes just write themselves.

Into the future... (slowly but surely)

Mimes must die - no exceptions to that rule. Total agreement there, Nightskye!

I’m not sure to respond to the other rants – about how everyone should have a job and a place to live. I remember doing a project for a class in college that had us pretend that we’re a single mom on welfare. We had to plan a budget and come up with ads for apartments and shopping lists that we could afford – all planned out for a month. It was a damn hard project to complete, me being a spoiled CT brat who’d had everything handed to me. I really put a lot if time and work into it and was proud with the result. I’d gotten an A or 4.0 or whatever, but I remember one girl in the class berating me for feeding my fictional child hotdogs or mac and cheese for dinner. She disapproved of my choice of neighborhood where I’d gotten the cheapest apartment advertised. I calmly explained that my master plan was to be off Welfare in two years. I was saving something like $35 a week. It was a strange assignment but it really made me think about just how lucky I was growing up in the suburbs. I rail against my mother all the time, but my family did all right by me in a lot of ways. I think the most important thing a person can learn early on is to make the most of every opportunity given to them. Many out there never have had the opportunity to learn that lesson, or they bastardize it like the woman who used opportunity to lie to Purge and take his last $2 under false pretenses.

I had this whole rant of my own in response, but I think that sums it up. I don’t think it reasonable to assume that everyone realizes the opportunities available to them or is willing to put in the hard work in order to better himself or herself. I also think that Nightskye (and myself) growing up in a suburban home has sheltered us from the hard realities of having nothing and being beaten down. It’s probably pretty hard on the self-esteem to have folks like us casting a judgmental glare rather than a helping hand. Who are we to throw stones?

New topic – I think that death row inmates should be killed. No more of this hanging around until the 3rd appeal, eating 3 squares a day and watching Oprah on cable. Of course, innocent until proven guilty should still apply. However, I think there should be a limit to the amount of appeals before they throw the switch. We’d save tons on taxes by not having those mouths to feed, and free up more room in the already overcrowded prison system. Why do they call it death row if these folks wait years and years to die? I also believe that general population inmates should not have cable and all the other comforts of home, unless as a reward for good behavior. Inmates should all have to work. Make license plates, clean laundry…whatever. And good work there would be rewarded with Oprah… or Oz, whatever they are into. This would instill a good work ethic. And I think the only proper punishment for convicted child molesters should be death. There…discuss among yourselves.

On a lighter note, Nightskye sent me the funniest link ever. It brought me back to the good ol’ days of Shadowrumming all night in Tempest’s Bliss room, drinking Molson and whatever was on sale. If you aren’t into Gaming, you won’t think this is funny. Me, I almost wet myself. Here’s the link, as he thoughtlessly did not provide it on his own blog.

Into the future…

You'd think the computer systems at a .com would work, but NO! It's the same crap that went on last week.It's very frustrating.
Then, I'm working on a 5 person team to do a fun/educational contest for my department. It's been a good time, and it's excellent exposure for me to the higher ups. Two of the girls we're working with just aren't pulling their weight and I'm not sure how to handle it. I don't want to step in and pull their projects away from them, but at the same time there's a lot of pressure to get this thing off the ground.
We start our challenges today with a networking game. As a team, they have 30 people and job titles that they have to match up. It doesn't sound like much, but there's over a 700 people in our building and most in our department never leave the floor. We'll see how it goes.
Back to work, but I wanted to say hi to you all.

Check out this page I came across. It offers Wacky Uses for every day products. When they say wacky, they mean it.

Into the future...

Shopping around pays off. The dealership wants to charge me $549 for the part I need. I just found it reconditioned (with warantee) for $75! Blixx is picking it up for me tomorrow. Even if I have the dealership install it, I'm looking at under $300 now. Right on!

Into the future...

Quick post here, as I’m not sure what the day holds in store for me. It’s definitely Monday. Reports at work still aren’t fixed which means another week of battling with the ‘Help’ desk, who frankly aren’t that helpful.

Um, I believe the Patriots shut out the Giants in preseason, after they had been practicing together for the past week even. In your face NY!

It will cost me $756.30 to fix the air conditioning in my car. I’m going to research places to buy one used or re-furbished to save a few bucks, as I almost drove off the road when they quoted me a price! Perhaps I just suffer for the rest of the summer, and get a new car next January when the Nanny guilt money comes in again. Got some decisions to make and things to ponder before paying out more money on my car.

DrJim & HighOctane didn’t end up coming over Friday. All that cleaning was for nothing! Well, perhaps it needed to be done anyway. Perhaps. Toad and DaveGrips came over and we drank ourselves into oblivion. One minute there were 2 cases of beer and a 12 of Mike’s in the fridge, next there was nothing.

Saturday I woke early and started reading some of the vampire smut books that Tempest was kind enough to hook me up with. I am now addicted to Anita Blake – Vampire Hunter. He He! Blixx slept until 2pm, when I woke him to get into the car so we could head out to Rhode Island. BazarJ and family put on a fabulous spread and it was great to hang out and play with his kids. Huge T-Bone steaks were excellent, but it was the company that was the best. I may start referring to BazarJ as Blondie…I think he looks good with surfer blonde hair. Saturday night we got home really late and watched the Loony Tunes Farscape and laughed ourselves silly. I love that show and cartoon D’Argo was outrageous.

We were going to go out for breakfast on Sunday, but Blixx started looking a little green around the gills. All the partying of the weekend caught up to him or something, because he just felt like ass all morning. We went over to DaveGrips and watched him hang new curtains then went over to a friend’s for a BBQ. DaveGrips’ daughter V is so awesome. She likes me for some reason and we spent some real quality time together coloring and whatnot. Poor uncle Blixx got no love. At the BBQ she was getting antsy being inside so I asked her if she wanted to go to the playground. She led the way and off we went. I guess she doesn’t go anywhere with anybody and her parents were expecting a fit of some kind. I knew DaveGrips couldn’t leave us along, and sure enough he was out checking on us after 5 minutes. He’s a good dad – an asshole, but a good dad. I played with the baby on the swings and the slide for almost an hour. Back at their house we watched an X-Files re-run and V layed across my lap and dozed. There’s nothing like a sleeping baby on your lap to bring out the maternal instincts. Good times.

The weekend was filled with drunken debauchery and small children. I like to diversify every now and again.

I’m glad to hear that Rhinogirl’s shower was a hit and that Nightskye is now privy to the big secret tattoo on Purge’s calf. Controversy over.