These are all allegedly true stories from the ER. (I believe everything I read on the internet.)
Be warned, high gross out factore here:

INNER SKELETON-----
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA-----
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

Time for a new remote control. LOL!

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

This guy should buy a lottery ticket. Do you know how hard it is to find a needle in a haystack? LOL

PING PONG ANYONE?-----
A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel.

The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy, we live sheltered lives -- thank goodness)

If this doesn't cause this guy to go straight nothing will. At least no hamsters were harmed. LOL.

BLIND DRUNK-----
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

Add this one to the "How do these people survive list"

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

I've got 2 things to say about this one.
#1-They obviously were not married to each other.
#2-This kind of points out the importance of taking our anti-seizure medication now doesn't it?

And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!