They cancelled football for the weekend and I’m disappointed. I understand that it may not be appropriate for 60K people to gather together to watch a violent sport, but I was hoping to have an alternative to news coverage on TV. I actually resorted to watching part of Sabrina the Teenage Witch Down Under last night. Save me from myself.

Instead of Sunday football, perhaps I’ll go kayaking or hiking or something. Maybe I’ll go get a tattoo. If I could find where the Worcester Library has moved to I’d go and get a new book. I’d bought Obsidian Butterfly last weekend but I’ve finished it and I’m going into withdrawals for a new Anita Blake book. Maybe Tempest & Purge will be around so we can hang out. Anything to take my mind off the recent events. I’m sick of watching the horrors on TV. I’m sick of hiding in my living room.

I’m usually so psyched for my birthday but I just can’t get pumped up this year.

This weekend my mother is coming up from CT on Saturday to attend a birthday party for V & myself over at Grip’s house. I’ve spent many years of major holidays hiding from my family at their house that it will be strange to have both of our families together. I’ve bad-mouthed my mother for the whole biological father bullshit for years and years so I just hope that none of Teacher’s crazy family brings anything up. Grips will be polite until provoked…that’s really more than I could hope for. I’m even going to dress up for my mother, as she seems to think a new wardrobe would make me more successful. She’d never heard of business casual until I clued her in, but she’d seen Working Woman recently on cable & thought the makeover that Meg Ryan gives herself was wonderful. OK, so I’ve got big out of control dyed hair and big bright nails…get over it. I actually went with the French manicure too. Why am I so concerned about impressing my mother? Because I’m insane.

Blixx worked yesterday and will be working all weekend. I think the next day off he has won’t be until Wednesday. I’m planning on banging in sick one day soon so we can spend some time together – all this working weekend crap is really starting to get to me. The fact that he’s working on my birthday only adds to it. We'll go out to dinner or something, but he'll have to get to sleep early. Blixx got a call last night to work with CNN in NYC. He'd be following a camera man around and in charge of the sound. I am SO GLAD that he's already booked on other jobs this month. I in no way want him in NYC while all of this is going on. I know that it would be a great move for his career, but I just can't let him get that close to the disaster. I couldn't bear it.

I’m wondering if the bitches here at work will do the cake/card thing. I know they know when it is but they’ve been really nasty lately and pulled away from even the BS be nice to your boss friendship thing that was going on. As I gain responsibility here they pull farther and farther away. It’s not like I think I could be really good friends with any of them, and it’s not like I come to work to make friends, but I miss the good times at UniShippers. I hated that job for so many reasons, but I miss the wonderful friends I made there. I’ve worked here almost a year and I’m not close to anyone. I feel lonely at work.

This blog was created for me to vent and get thoughts and concerns out and work on problems. Why then do I feel like a shit that I'm bitching about something as trivial as work or birthdays. I know Gulianni had a point in saying that we've all got to move on with our lives, but it's harder than it looks.

Peace.