Hello clotters. How was the weekend?

Friday night we had Grips over & he presented Blixx with a bottle of tequilla & a toy jeep. Love that dude's sense of humor. We toasted at midnight, then off to the land of sleep. Saturday morning I made a colesteral special breakfast of hash & eggs, then we drove down to Cape Cod. We weren't in a real rush, and made it to the hotel at around 5pm. The room was very small, but we had high hopes for the heart-shaped hot tub. We decided that we should grab a bite to eat immediately, as if we were to start anything (et hem) we'd never leave the room. Part of our package was that we got dinner at their restaurant, but they weren't taking reservations until 9:30! No shyt! So, forget the free food - we took a look in the yellow pages & headed down the street to a brew pub. Man, was the food good! I started with clam chowder that was heavenly, then had the baked stuffed cod. The Octoberfest beer was excellent, & Blixx loved whatever dark beer he was drinking. I ate so much that I seriously couldn't breath and we had to take a little drive around town so I could belch my way to a reasonable comfort level. It was wacky...haven't felt like that since my last baked trip to the all you can eat chinese buffet. We took a little walk on the beach, but it was cold out so we headed back to the hotel.
I'm going to have to say that I DON'T recommend Cuddles n Bubbles. As mentioned, the room was really small. The hot tub looked good, but had no real bubble power at all. Yes, we were there to get it on, but we're both stress monkeys and I was really looking forward to a long soak for my aching back and shoulders. We made due, but the tub just wasn't what I'd hoped for. I'll spare you the sorted details of our exploits and just say here that we both had a great time and were very pleased. The shower stall had a seat and 4, count them 4, shower heads. Two were at regular level (& pleasingly to Blixx were high enuf that he could stand under them) and two that were lower, all with massaging heads. Yeah, we were almost late for check out. They offered breakfast too, and the blueberry blintz's were delicious. We'd developed an appitite. :)
We putzed around the Cape for a while on Sunday, but nothing was really open & we were tired so we headed back toward home. All the while, what we were really looking for was a nice bar where we could watch the Pats game...there it was, a sign on the roof of a building that read "Half-Time Pub - BEER." We ended up chilling there and watching the Pats ugly win over the Bills. What a joke of a game, but at least we won. We'll see about the Rams this Sunday.
I ended up getting Blixx the Crown Royal he'd asked for, the only thing he'd asked for, and a monogrammed flask too. We stopped at the Wrentham Outlets on the way to the Cape & he picked out a nice watch at the Casio outlet. Tempest...you'd fall in love with the outlets in Wrentham - 10x better than Westbrook with everything you could wish for & then some. You'll have to come up for a visit & we'll check it out. I also got Blixx a Pats had that he wanted, and The Worst Case Survival Guide from the Discovery Store. It's hysterical with practical advice on how to escape quicksand & the like. I thought it might come in handy with all the outdoorsy stuff he's into lately. And, there was a new Pink Floyd disc out that I know he'd want. All & all I think he had a nice birthday. I'm filled with all kinds of self-doubt about it though. I don't know what my problem is.

VIOLET THE CAT
Oh, we ordered pizza Friday night & the delivery guy took Violet the cat. She's this little black & white kitty that I guess belongs to the guy around the other side of the house. She lived outside, and all of us enjoyed her company when checking the mail, taking out the trash etc. Blixx said he saw the dude coaxing her toward the car & when the guy took off, he swears that the cat was in the car. I let the dude downstairs know what happened, & he'd tell the owner, but I feel like I should have done something more. If I'd seen it go down, I would have chased the guy down and demanded to get the cat back. She's not our cat & maybe she's in a loving home...but it's the darker thoughts that really get to me. I'm having nightmares about it. Blixx says don't worry about it & let the owner handle it...but I need to know she's OK. I think I'll go by the pizza place tonight - but I worry that if I start something with them, that we'll get a clem pizza next order.

Wow, that sounded really selfish.


Yesterday I called in 'sick' and went over to Grips. I'd hoped that we'd take V to the park or something, but we ended up searching malls for replacement glasses and plates so that there will be enough for Thanksgiving. It was fun, & Grips even left me alone with V for almost 1/2 hour while he & Blixx dropped off his car. I got to watch General Hospital, but it was a slow lazy day when I was looking for some excitement. Oh well - that's just how it goes. We didn't get to the laundromat, but I did sneak a load in at Grips so I've got clothes for work this week. GeriDog came over for dinner & we ate pizza & gossiped. You know that V spends too much time with her when she looks me right in the eye, grabs my hand & says "LOVE THE NAILS." She's 2!! I cracked up for hours.

THANKSGIVING RANT
Thanksgiving has another wrench...Mom left me a voice mail here at work (she's getting better at tracking me down)_saying that we're invited to MaryKaye's for dinner. She's my Mom's Dick's daughter who is a biggot and boring and we really didn't hit it off at all. I've only really seen her a few times & that she has my mother invite us, rather than calling herself, is a social boo boo. We were invited there last year and blew it off so Mom will be on edge. She'll be waiting for an excuse. Now they live in NH so I'm thinking the only way out is to say that Blixx is working at the crack of dawn the day after Thanksgiving and that the drive would be too much, but my Mom knows better. She knows that I don't mind a road trip. Crapass! Mom will be so disapointed that we won't spend the holiday together, but I really don't want to. STRESS! STRESS!
I'd so set in my head that we'd go over to Grips' house. I'm even in charge of making the pumpkin pies! The holiday's make me want to just run away from everything and hide. Seriously, I'd be more than happy to run off into the wilderness rather than deal with my mother's guilt & disapointment. But if we DO go, there will be the uncomfortable silence all over the place. Blixx & MaryKay's hubby have nothing in common & since I've never met their kids, I won't have the excuse to go play with them rather than listen to my mother. I don't want to talk about my work or our search for a house or make stupid small talk. I don't want to do anything. Then there's Christmas - if I'm sucessful in blowing her off for turkey day, then there's another holiday right around the corner to worry about.
I'm really getting myself worked up into a state over all of this - I didn't sleep well at all last night - fretting! I think it's worse now that Mom & I have come to a truce over the biological father deal because she expects me to give a crap, but I still don't. I've often pondered why I'm so cold & unemotional toward them...& toward life in general. I mean, I really am. Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching life go by, rather than living it. I feel love, but I don't often show that I feel love. I'm so much better at sarcasm than at true emotion. I clinch up. I know that I love my family and I don't wish them harm, but I really can't get all excited to see them or care what goes on in their lives. I don't even want them to know too much about what goes on with me & mine. I just don't get warm & fuzzy for Mom or my aunt or cousin or grandmother. Is it that I've had all these issues for so long that I've pushed the reality of family emotion so far down that I can't access it? Or am I just cold. I think I'm doing the same thing to Blixx too, but I don't know how to stop the cycle! I feel hollow inside - he's the only one who brings warmth into my life, but if I hold him too tight I'll extinguish the flame.