Mmmmmm Whiskey

You're a Shot of Whiskey!


What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
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SciFi News etc

Ben Browder & Claudia Black to Reunite on SciFi

Enterprise to explain why Klingon forehead has changed

AS you can see, I'm very busy here at work. Blixx has had his hands full with Cassidy at home. She's got a cold so there's snot everywhere & she's still cranky from teething.

Yesterday was our 6 year wedding anniversary. My mom & her Dick came up for the afternoon & watched Cassidy so we could go to the movies & to dinner. We actually wanted to see The Incredibles but didn't leave the house in time, so we settled for Lemony Snickets. It was....good. Not great, definately wierd. Jim Carey was creepy. We then went to dinner at Chucks Steak House and ate until we could hardly walk. Woo hoo! It was a quiet night at home after that.

Workin Girl

So, I'm at the radio station for a couple of days this week, which is cool. I watched the latest harry Potter movie in the conference room this morning. Yeah, it's hard work but what can you do? Blixx is home with the little munchkin - I'm wondering how they are doing, but I don't want to be one of those mom's who doesn't have faith in her hubby to take care of the kid.

It's our 6 year wedding anniversary this Wednesday. I'm not sure how we're going to celebrate but I would love to have a meal alone with my husband. Cass has been a real pain in the ass with eating lately. But hey, she slept through the night last night for the first time in weeks, so I'll take what I can get. I'm also thinking that we should go to the hot tub

She had a wonderful Christmas. We went to Revere to visit Blixx's sister Rocks & her kids on Christmas eve. Cass had no nap & was all riled up from chasing her four cousins...hardly any dinner...she was a mess, but the kids had a great time together. We didn't get to take a soak in the hot tub, but maybe next time. Christmas morning was hysterical with Cassidy opening presents. I got her this giant stuffed horse that she looks super cute riding. She enjoys all her gifts & really enjoyed ripping the wrapping paper & sitting in the boxes. I swear she's part cat, that girl. After gifts we went over to Grips and ate WAY too much food. They ahd invited several friends and there were kids everywhere...it was a zoo. Again Cass was completely overstimulated. We were supposed to go over to Toads yestaerday for the game but I just knew that she would be a total spaz so I decided to give her the long nap. Instead, we ended up going over to Grips & ordering out Applebees and watching the game. Very relazed & Cass had V to play with so it was a better situation for her. Last night she demanded that she sleep in her new sleeping bag & who am I to argue?

As for me, I got the sapphire & diamond ring that I had ever so subtly hinted at wanting from my lovely hubby, as well as Buffy season 7 & the Black Eyed Peas cd. He got the graphics card in the new PC & his rear window fixed in the Jeep. I got him sox & undies too...after all it's Christmas.

Merry Christmas!!!

Greetings one & all! I've still got a little bit of shopping to do, then its off to the kitchen. Tomorrow night we're heading into Revere to do Christmas with Blixx's family. We bought little princess dolls for his nieces & some Playstation1 games for his nephew. Cass is going to have such a good time running around with the girls - we'll take plenty of pictures I'm sure. I'm making monkey bread for Blixx, Cass & I to nosh on while opening presents. Mmmmmm! Then I'm making sweet potato casserole (fresh gingeris the key)& mint chocolate cheesecake to bring over to Grips house. Yeah, we're doing the dinner thing over there again - should be fun. Then Sunday we're invited over to Toad's house to watch the game & have a bon fire out back. It's supposed to be wicked cold out & I just don't imagine that Cass is going to want to be out in it for long, fire or not, so I think I'll have to meet Blixx over there. It's not really a kid party anyway.
So, a big weekend of plans are in store for us. Let's hope we can squeeze some sleep in there at some point.

Merry Christmas to all, & to all a good night.

Quiet Girl

Quiet Girl

What kind of little girl were YOU?
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Mount Washington - Survivor

Went to NH to have Christmas with my mother & her dick this weekend. Cass didn't sleep at all Friday night. Saturday morning we were bleery eyed & decided to suck it up & take a shower...that is until the shower was broken. I had to face my mother without coffee (soon rectified), a screaming toddler & without a shower. Poor front desk lady who had to deal with me. However, she remained unflustered at my sarcasm & dripping menace. They really do train the staff well at high end places like that. By the time we returned from breakfast, the shower was fixed and all was well, except for the 45 minutes of sleep & having to sit through one of Dick's magic lantern shows. Cass napped during it, but I had no such luxury.

Overall it was a nice trip. I'll post some pictures. I'm off to bed now.

Yeah right.

Beer...that's what I need.

Sears Photo did us right again. She had been so fussy, but came around long enough to get this shot once she saw the horsie. She's so goofy - I think this picture really shows her personality.
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Happy Holidaze

Greetings all! Last weekend we went and hunted down a fine Christmas tree, then went to a friends for some cookies and yuletide cheer. Mmmmmm, cheer. The tree is up but we've still got to add some lights to it and ornaments. We're putting lights on the little trees by our front door too - one of these days. I absolutely love the smell of the tree in the house.

Cass is growing like a weed. Her 18 month clothes are getting tight - and she won't even be officially 18 months old until the 17th. I had to go out & get her some 24 month PJ's cuz her cute belly was sticking out of them this morning.

I went to a playgroup yesterday and all the other mom's were impressed with how Cass says "Thank You" when you give her something. She was perfectly behaved, despite eating into her nap time. Oh, my little angel. I should put her on the top of the tree.

Cassidy wore a little tutu trick or treating Halloween 2004.
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Cass didn't enjoy her visit with Santa. 

Patriots Rock! 

Modern Technology

Hey there all! You'll be happy to know that we've gotten ourselves a new computer. We now have a lovely HP Pavilion that totally kicks ass. I've renamed the old computer Phucker. Funny to see the name on the network there. Hehe.

We also broke down and got ourselves some DSL action going on. Man o man it makes all the difference, lemme tell ya!

So here I am typing away and running 2 other programs in the background with absolutely no lag or crashing or funny noises. It's a dream come true.

And check it out - I got a picture on my site! I am so friggin proud of myself!

Girlie Bonding with Cassidy

On Saturday I got Cass all dressed up in a cute little green plaid jumper, tights & her dress shoes to go see Santa. She did not in any way like Santa. He was no good...so we got some pictures of her on his lap crying. Excellent blackmail material for when she's dating.

So we ran around running errands & computer shopping all over god's green. Cass was wonderful, dancing around Best Buy making everyone laugh. She was an angel. We get home & I'm changing her into PJ's...& I notice red marks on both of her heals.

The poor girl had her very first cute shoe injury. Guess ya gotta be a girl to understand.

Pitch Black the better movie

I never thought I'd say it, but we rented Riddick & it was a crapfest. Damn shame cuz Vin is a hottie.

Weekend plans etc

Grips was in a car accident last Saturday night, coming home from that costume party I was bitching about not being able to go to. It was late on wet, unfamiliar roads & he'd been drinking. He wasn't faced, as the police later determined, but still...So I've spent the week driving him around to doctors, mechanics etc. Which is fine cuz that's what friends do. I'm shaken by this whole thing - having a mortality crisis. Coulda been me in the car with him. Coulda been me driving. Coulda been either one of us on any number of occasions coming back from Vincent's. He coulda died & I would have lost one of my best friends. I'm so thankful he's alive.

*****

This weekend I'm heading to Jacknife's graduation then the party back at Tempest's house. Either I'm leaving Cas with her grandmother or we're both staying - still to be determined. Saturday there's talk of heading to Yankee Candle which sounds good, I'm just not sure if Cass will be up for it. It means a lot of time in the car which bores her which makes her cry which makes me cry. Not sure what the rest of the weekend will bring but I'm sure it will be full of family fun.

****

I'm pretty pissed off that despite the fact that I voted for Kerry that shithead Bush is still president. Crapass.

Dumbass

So I just spilled my Diet Coke all over the desk & myself. I'm a dumbass. At least I didn't frag up the computer. Woo Hoo!
Went to lunch with Birdgirl, her sister & Preacher to this awesome Korean place around the corner. I never know what to order however. I think I'd like the maki rolls, but then again perhaps not. Next time I'll be more adventurous. Maybe.
Trick or treating was fun. Cass was of course super extra cute in her little tutu & all the college kids were laughing at her as she took the candy & carefully placed it in her bad. We got a pretty good amount of candy & I think she had fun. I don't think Blixx did, but whatever.
Scheduling with the hubby has been tight with our work schedules, Red Sox & social engagements. We've been going non-stop for a while now so I'm hoping for some down time on the weekend. Yeah right. Tonight we're going to the ecotarium Great Pumpkin display, courtesy of the radio station, with Grips family. After that we're heading home and hopefully Blixx & I can spend some quality time together, wink wink. I'm invited to a party tonight from a creepy dude I know from Vincent's, but I will not be attending. Tomorrow night we were invited to a costume party but I don't think we'll be able to go either. No one is available to babysit for us. Maybe I'll get to go for a while, but we shall see. Sunday we'll be watching Patriots vs Steelers & handing out candy.

Halloween Costumes, plans etc

Tempest asked for a costume idea to be IM'd to her, then logged off. Silly girl! The easiest I can think of, which would work for the Stop & Shop trip she has planned, is that she go as a Cereal Killer - wear all black, attach those little boxes of cereal all over with little knives haging out of each. Fake blood optional. Another which could work would be to be a Buckanear - dress as a pirate, which she should still be able to do, then put a dollar bill on each ear with an earing. Get it?

Tonight we're heading to Holy Cross with Grips family. They let you trick or treat in the dorms and have a whole thing for the folks who are lucky enough to live in the neighborhood, which they do. She's still too young for traditional trick or treating so I figured this would be a nice alternative. Besides I'll be the one eating all the candy anyway. Or I'll regift. We shall see, depending on the haul. Cass is going to be a ballerina - her fat belly is gunna be so damn cute. I'll be sure to forward pictures. For actual Halloween we're staying home to hand out candy. I'm gunna go with being a which cuz it's easy. Insert jokes .

Point of Interest

From the Boston Globe:

"For the record, it took precisely six minutes for the first "Yankees Suck" chant to break out after the Red Sox finally won the World Series."

Ha Ha!

Publishing Pictures

For anyone like myself who has wanted to post pictures on their blog without the hassle of hosting elsewhere, I've come across HELLO which should do the trick. I'm at the radio station today, so I can't download it until I get home. Therefore, I can't vouch but thought I'd pass it along.

Reverse the Curse!

I am a reluctant Redsox fan. I try to blame it on Grips, but as he said last night "I led you to the water, but I didn't make you drink." I don't think it was water at all. With any luck the Sox will cream the Yanks this evening, but somehow I'm guessing it will be a 16 inning nail biter. Ahhh the drama of Boston sports. Reverse the Curse! Keep the Faith! Why not us?!

Cass is wonderful. Her Nutty grandmother came up and dropped $200 on a new fall/winter wardrobe for her. OMG we got some super cute stuff. Old Navy has the cutest little fleece jogging outfits - not that she'll be jogging or anything, but she'll sure be warm. We went to a 1 yr old birthday party for her friend Josh (& our friends Callista & Dougma) on Saturday & she ran around like a loon. No nap...wouldn't go down...nearly falling over from exhaustion but she just kept on going. It was pretty damn funny.

Blixx is working this Saturday in Boston late afternoon so I'm looking to get into some trouble. Any takers? Sunday we're going to Applefest at Mt Wachusett. I went last year...it's a nice place to take the kids & we got free tickets from the lovely Birdgirl so I figure what the hell. There's a bar there so Blixx & Grips can ditch out to go drink some Octoberfest & watch the Pats v. Jets game at 4pm. Both teams are undefeated in a division game...should be interesting.

Weekends are filling up. The HOLIDAZE are rapidly approaching. We'd wanted to have Grip's & his family clan over with our families & do Thanksgiving here, but it seems they have made other plans. We could have my Mom, her Dick & Blixx's family over...but they are always late or something comes up. I'd have to wrap my mind around that idea. The easliest way would be to go to Dick's daughter MK's house again this year. We had an absolute blast the past two years and it would be fun to let Cass play with all the other kids. Hmmm. I guess there's still some pondering to do.

Crap - then there's Christmas.

Fine Fall Fun

Haven't posted in a bit - been busy. Well, I've been lazy. There, I said it. I don't know if anyone even reads this thing anymore anyway. Besides, I'd much rather bitch to a friend in person than bitch to the Internet gods & hope someone will get back to me. They never do.

With Blixx's work schedule we didn't really have a long weekend. On Saturday we went to Stowe Farm and checked out the petting zoo & went on a horse drawn carriage ride. It was a nice activity to do as a family on a fine fall day. I was pretty clear with Blixx that he had to do something together with us. Cass seemed to have fun, although she preferred the playground to anything else. We got off to a late start so we didn't have a lot of time before she got tired/hungry but at $2 it was a good value. I highly recommend it.

Moving on...I took Cass to a program at the library today called Babytime. It's a short led program of rhymes & movement for babies then a playgroup afterwards. She had fun, but exhibited her first signs of jealousy! She was wandering around, working the room & ignoring me completely. Another baby crawled over to my lap & we started playing...Cass came over & sat on my lap (almost on the other baby) & threw her arms around me crying. She's never been like that before. The crying stopped as soon as the other baby went away.

Sunday the Patriots went for #19 and locked in a NFL record with their win over the Dolphins. Blixx went over to Toads so I stayed home with the little one, who refused to go to sleep during the game. Finally got her to nap during half time, but she likes watching football on tv. Go figure. I made kraut & kielbasa in my new crockpot for dinner. I put some apples in there - oh my goodness it was yummy! Had a bunch of leftover apples so i chopped them & baked them with brown sugar & raisins. MMMMMMmmmmmmmm! Over vanilla ice cream...on pancakes. I'm freezing a bunch.

Anyone know any good crockpot recipes lemme know.

Anyone want to babysit my kid on Saturday night October 30th so I can go to a costume party with my husband? Seriously - anyone? C'mon...

Unselfish Birthday - Who Knew?

What the hell has happened to me? Blixx said we could do anything I wanted for my birthday. I really wanted to go kayaking (to use the cool new paddle Blixx got me), but the weather was not cooperative. I was thinking mall shop fest (Mom gave me some $$) but then I looked at my little cherubs bright eyes & had an idea. We drove to Boston, we being Blixx cuz I will not drive in that fucked up city, and went to the Boston Children's Museum. It was a blast! Cass had her little baby mind blown & we didn't even get to everything. They have a special $1 admission on Friday nights so it was certainly worth it. I was worried that everything would be too big for her, but she got a real kick out of a lot of it and fell alseep in 2.6 seconds in the car on the way home. The only thing she didn't like was the Blue Man Group instrument section - it was loud & crazy. Blixx & I liked it though! So, I could do anything I wanted & I decided to do something for my kid. Wow, motherhood sure changes a girl. I mean, I'm still far to selfish for my own good, but I guess I'm softening up. Or egads - growing up. Nahhhh. Back home with take out Chinese - Grips came over with a bottle of Korbel and the rest, as they say, is history.

Saturday was V's birthday party so we went to Grip's & hung out. Sunday I gave Grip's & V a ride to her soccer game - boy is it funny to watch 5 yr olds run around chasing a soccer ball! Cass is pretty good too. I let her run around & chase the ball & she kicked it a few times, which amused her to no end. Back to the house after the game & Blixx was out back mowing the lawn & shoveling dirt for the shed. It's coming along nicely. Not as quickly as I would like, but no one can accuse me of being a patient person. My mom got me a new crock pot for my birthday so I made pot roast. It was a little dry, so I guess I need practice.

The Patriots won on Sunday, not that we had any doubt. They have a bi this week, so I'm wondering what we should do on Sunday to celebrate. We have 2 tickets that expire end of September for Six Flaggs - maybe we'll drive out there & walk around, take turns on the rides. Or better - Anyone want to come out & watch my kid so we can go on rollercoasters? Seriously - I'l buy your way into the park! You won't be stuck with her all day even. C'mon.....

Blixx, Grips & Birdgirl are all participating in The Greenway Challenge on Saturday. It's a race from Worcester to Woonsocket RI & back - biking, running and kayaking. Birdgirl's radio stations are the sponsors. It was wacky last year cuz Blixx's biker had a malfunction so his team came in 4th to last, but Blixx had the 7th fastest time on his leg of the kayaking. He's looking for the team to make a better showing of it this year. Anyone who wants to take a drive up to cheer them on is more than welcome - it's a beautiful spot this time of year. The following weekend Blixx is once again racing in the Great Quinsig Canoe & Kayak Race. Again spectators are appreciated.

I'm off to see if I can get some pictures working on this piece of shit computer. Wish me luck.

Dancing Naked Around the Fire

I spent Sunday afternoon getting gear & food ready, loading boats onto the Jeep, etc. I kissed the husband & daughter goodbye around 4:30 & headed to Oxford, MA. Lucky for me, there was a nice guy fishing with his kid who offered to assist me in getting the boats off the car - woo hoo - Blixx's boat is longer & heavier than I can really handle by myself. I took both kayaks because I wanted to bring a whole bundle of wood with me, just in case. HEHE I'm a pyro!

It was difficult to paddle against the wind with the other boat in tow, but I took it slow & steady. I made landfall by 6 & set up the tent. It's Blixx's smaller tent, the one I was so mad that he bought right before he went to Colorodo, & it sets up in like 2 seconds. That left me plenty of time to build the perfect fire. Someone had left these huge logs from a downed tree that made a perfect outer ring, then some smaller of the same. Some paper & kindling went into the middle then WOOSH I had a rager! I had steak kabobs & pasta salad for dinner, sitting watching my fire consume itself. Interesting metaphor there.

I got 1/2 way through my bottle of wine (it's important to bring the right gear camping) when I decided to head out for an evening paddle. Out I went into the lake. It was beautiful under the stars, but I started getting wigged out that I was so isolated & in a boat & 1/2 drunk & all stoned - perhaps it was the paranoia talking, but I decided that I needed to be on dry land. As I'm paddling around to my side of the island, I hear a big rustling in the woods. I zap it with my headlamp & find that I'm staring at a big ass racoon. He was on the mainland & no threat, but it was both comforting & disturbing that I wasn't as alone as I thought.

Once back on dry land, I continued on my quest to finish the bottle of wine. I was a little damp from the paddle & decided to change into warmer clothes. There was no one around & the tent is small, so I dropped trou & started to get changed right there around the fire. I'm bending over to adjust my shoes when I realize how good the fire feels on my bottom...

Yep, I danced around the fire naked. Well, I had sandals on cuz there's a lot of broken glass around, but for the most part I was naked. It was a silly thing to do, to sing a little tune & dance. It was a brief moment before modesty (to who, the racoon? Damn that whole Catholic thing runs deep) took over & I put clothes back on. It was invigorating. Ok, you're thinking I'm crazy. Yes, I am!

Later that evening there was a huge rustling on the mainland. I whistled & it stopped for a moment, then continued on even faster in the opposite direction. No clue what it was - deer, big dog - but I was psyched that I was island bound. I went to bed & passed out cold.

I was awoken by the sound of a thousand chipmunks churping around my tent, scurrying about looking for kabob scraps. I looked out the tent & the lake was covered with a thick white fog. It was breathtaking, but it also told me it was too damn early to get up. Back to sleep & when I next awoke, there was just a fine mist on the water & the sun was shining. After a brief visit to the nearest tree, I grabbed my coffee thermus & headed back out onto the water for a while. It was lovely to watch the sun burn the dew off the shore & the wisps of mist churning around the bow of the kayak as I paddled around. Truly a beautiful way to start the day.

Back at camp, I made a fire with the rest of the wood & toasted my bagel on the open fire. I've been reading the Best of SciFi short stories & got through a couple of them just hanging out in the dappled sunlight around the fire. I slowly broke down camp & reluctantly left my island escape. I put the smaller boat back onto the Jeep, then paddled out to the whole other side of the lake. It was windy so I didn't get far, but I did see some rivers that will bear exploring another day. There's a picnic area & beach over there that I explored, then spent some more time reading & eating my Regatta sandwich. While walking around I found a Patriots lighter sitting on the ground. I take that as a sign that we'll win the Superbowl again this year.

I loaded the boat back up, after only 1 failed attept that almost took my fingers off, and headed home. Blixx & Cass were happy to see me & he'd cooked dinner & it was good to be home.

I didn't have a vision quest or anything dramatic like that, but I proved that I can take care of myself and be alone. I did some thinking & realized yet again what a lucky girl I am to have such wonderful family & friends. Biggest realization of all, I figured out that I have to take better care of myself, both physicly & mentally, cuz I'm my own worst enemy.

Camping & Stuff

So, we took Cass camping again over Labor Day Weekend. It was an awesome trip. I think she ate more than I did!!! She's terrific in the kayak, just chilling out & taking it all in. We're very lucky. It was overcast when we got up on SUnday, so we ate a HUGE breakfast of bacon & eggs, then went back to bed. We awoke from our naps & ate a HUGE lunch then relazed around the fire for a while. After a quick paddle around the island, we returned only to eat yet again, this time it was Hawaiin chicken with mushroon & artichoke risotto & garden veggies. That night we had champagne & strawberries for dessert. We had strawberry pancakes for breakfast the next morning. MMmmmmmmm. I love camp food. We make it an art form. Oh yeah baby, we ate like kings. I promise that I'll get some pictures up soon!

I'm actually heading back out to Buffumville Island for a by myself overnight camp. Thats right, just me, myself & I. Blixx has never ever gone out overnight just by himself! I figure, we've got the island reserved for a few more days, it's only like 20 minutes from the house & damn it, I can do it! Blixx has been nervous & helpful, and resistant of me wanting to plan & get gear ready on my own. I explained to him how I wanted to be independent with this whole thing & he said he understood - then he went ahead & pulled out all the stuff (sleeping bag, tent) that I would need from the basement of horrors. I can't be mad at him, cuz he's just trying to help and make sure that I'll be taking everything I need.

So, I'm a little nervous about spending a night in the woods alone, but it also sounds like a little bit of heaven too. No crying babies, no telephone calls from my mom to interupt. I stashed a fire starter log on the island while we were all there, so I'll be sitting around a fire drinking wine into the night. I'm bringing kabobs for dinner & a quick bagel for breakfast. I got a Regatta Deli sandwich for lunch tomorrow, where I plan to paddle up the other side of the lake, past the public beach. It's been years since I've been up that way. I'm bringing a book & plan on reading more than 2 pages before being interupted.

This trip is my birthday present to myself. Ok, so was the new purse & the Patriots t-shirt, but who's counting? I'm now off to pay all this months bills so that I can hand over control of the finances until Friday. Blixx doesn't want me peeking on where he's spending $$ for my birthday. I really hope he was listening when I said what I wanted. The only thing better than getting exactly what you ask for is getting exactly what you want, without having to ask for it.

As far as the rest of this week, I'll be hanging with my mother one day so she can gift me & grab at the granddaughter. I'm heading down to Attleboro so I can visit with SherBear, who is hiding with her daughter in MA until the string of hurricanes pass over Florida. She was there for Charlie & it scared the shit out of her - she she's hiding out at her mom's house until Ivan goes away. No clue how we'll spend my actual birthday on Friday - probably go out for chinese cuz it's my favorite. Grip's daughter V has her birthday party on Saturday, so we'll be attending that fiesta.

So I don't forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PURGE!!!

*******************************************************

In other news, did you hear about the guy who was shot by his dog? Check this link for poetic justice. Fuckers hurting defenceless animals make me sick.

Week Roundup

Blixx took last week off to take care of Cass & I. It was awesome! Ok, so he needed a break himself. And, the lawn politely asked him to please MOW ME. But we were able to do quality stuff as a family & I got a much needed break from full time mom duty so everyone came away happy. Cass really bonded with her Daddy - I expected her to be a beast today cuz she missed him, but so far so good. She spent some alone time with her PBS while I showered & cleaned up a little, then we headed out & did some shopping. We stopped & visited Grip's mom GeriDog for a free lunch & she was super proud that Cass is walking. I hadn't realized that it had been so long since we'd seen her.

Let's see, we've been to the park a few times. We went to Hopeville Pond State Park in CT for a day trip on Thursday & Cass actually went swimming! She'd been super afraid of the water but Blixx was able to coax her in for a while. We took some super cute pictures of her naked little butt in the water. One of these days I'll update my picture site to share some more recent memories. We ate chinese buffet, which is always hysterical with her.

This weekend Grips & Red were nice enough to watch Cass for the afternoon so we could go on a date & see Alien vs Predator. What a crapfest that was! I mean really really bad. No suspense at all. The hero - never once did I give a shit whether she lives or dies. Very sad really. I mean, I wasn't expecting an Oscar or anything, but c'mon. We shoulda gone to see Hero instead. Live & learn.

We ate dinner with Grip's family on Saturday then Blixx dropped me off & headed over to Toad's to watch the Pats game. We were all going to go, but Cass has been waking in the middle of the night & running us ragged, so we didn't think an all night party at someone elses house was a good idea. I stayed home with her, drank a bottle of wine & painted my toe nails. It was actually nice to be alone (relatively) in the house for a bit.

Yesterday we went over to Callista & Dougma's house for a bbq. Man, was it hot out but we still had a good time drinkin & watching the kids run around. I went to bed early with Blixx (he had to be up at 5 to be on a shoot for 7am) then couldn't sleep a wink. I kept tossing & turning so I finally got up at around 2:30am and read downstairs for a while, then back up to sleep. Cass started to wake at 6 something, but I rolled over & apparently so did she cuz next thing I knew it was 8:05am. Much more reasonable!

I'm off to clean the house, do laundry, water the plants...all the things we blew off last week in order to spend time with each other.

Afternoon Delights

Hiya all! I haven't had a whole lot of time to blog lately, due to the beautiful weather & my desire to be out & enjoy it. I've managed to loose 8 lbs over the past three weeks by just getting off my ass as much as possible. I'm pretty proud. I even do sit ups every now & again. Nope, not even shitting you.

Granted the diet went out the window this weekend while down in CT. Tempest picked up some truly delicious brieosh (my spelling sucks, sue me) so I had a couple pieces of that. Then we went to Dino's & I had a HUGE portion of friend clams. Bacon & eggs for breakfast too. Yeah, not the most nutricius choices but yeah, ya gotta live a little right? Good thing I don't eat like that every day.

Blixx went camping over the weekend & called on Sunday to say he was staying an extra night. Now, this wasn't exactly unexpected news, but the tone of his voice on the pphone & the fact that he didnt' ask, just assumed it would be ok...I was 52 flavors of pissed. Just out of my tree mad. Borderline irrational. Yep, hard to believe. So Monday when he came home, we ate dinner then I left. In fact, I left at right about the time he was complaining about Grips showing up late on Sat & leaving early on Sun, all because he had family obligations. I really couldn't stand to hear him bitch when Grips priorioty was his family, which is where I hope Blixx's will be one day. Did I mention that I was irrationally pissed?

So I left & went shopping for a new bra or two, since Cass broke myh absolute favorite on by hanging off it. Got back just after she went to bed & Blixx & I sat & talked for hours about what's been going on with us, with me, with our family. No quick fixes but we're both gunna try harder to communicate and not shut each other out. I feel better already.

Course, that could be that he's not working this week so he's around to take the heat off me. Yeah, I'm betting thats it. Or the sex. Yeah, I betcha the sex keeps me calm, or at least distracted. Hehe I could learn to like this.

The Land of the Drunk

Blixx took a day off to spend with the family, so we went to Garden in the Woods & walked around all the pretty flowers. It was a beautiful day for it, to be sure. They had an exhibit called Big Bugs, where an artist made these HUGE bugs from wood to be displayed. There was a spider & web, dragonfly, ants...all really beautiful. The butterfly was gorgeous. Afterwards we went to one of our favorite eateries, Tennesee's BBQ, then back home to relax. I'd been out of sorts & Blixx has been stressed with working so hard so it was nice to get away together.

I took off to Vincent's & none of the usual suspects were there when I arrived, so I watched the Red Sox win (will wonders ever cease?) then headed outside to hang out. I ended up closing the place down...Vincent himself politely asked us to get the hell out. I ended up out in the parking lot smoking up for a while, then had to chill a few minutes before driving home. Yeah, Drunk Girl was in the house. I blew off some steam & had a great time telling stories & BSing...& didn't get home until almost 3am.

Blixx was outside on the front stoop, waiting for me. I had given him some lovin right before I scampered off to go drinking & led him to believe that I would be home to finish what I started. Well, I was a little tiny bit late & too drunk. He was mad & asking me all kinds of questions & making me really uncomfortable, probably cuz I was shitfaced. Yeah, turns out that when I didn't get home at a reasonable hour, he increased his drinking rate as well so he was good and 'faced too by the time I got there. It was a weird situation & we were both really awkward with each other & went to bed.

This morning I figured I was in for a lecture or something, but he floored me by apologizing for being a dick. As he put it, "You gave me a bj & I gave you shit.' So, we're good. We actually communicated so we're better than good, we're great. I shouldn't have been out so late to worry him, but I really did loose track of time there. He felt like he was being left behind & alone - Yeah, like me all those times that I want to do stuff but can't cuz of the kid. We understand where each of us were coming from. The land of the drunk.

Blogging Blixx

Went out drinkin last night, so I'm a little foggy today, as is the weather. I hear big storms are coming, so I'm thinkin that I better get the kid over to the playground for some fun before it starts raining.

Hey, Blixx is back on the blogger trail. Check him out at WARBUCKLE. I guess he didn't go to bed early like he shoulda, at all. Oh well, hope he's feeling better today. He pulled a muscle digging over the weekend. Yes folks, he broke ground for the shed. And we ordered dirt to fill in the alien landing site in our back yard. AND folks are coming over this weekend to help him build the shed & do various yard work toys.

Consumer Reports Requested

My cell phone is a piece of crap, & I'm frustrated with Cingular. I'm asking for your input on either a really good recommendation for a phone/cell carrier, or your horror stories on who to stay away from. I've got to deal with this quickly, cuz I'm missing calls all over the place. Please drop me an e-mail or AOL IM and let me know your thoughts.
Thanks people!

baby steps

We're at the park yesterday with Callista & Josh, when Cass takes 3 steps towards the geese. Later that same evening, while at the concert, she takes several steps toward her auntie.

Today she's walking all over the place.

By walking, I mean all by herself with no support.

I cried.

Joy.

My baby is growing up.

I had a date last night. With Blixx!!!

 
We recieved free passes to go to an advance showing of the movie Manchurian Candidate. As a supsise, he asked our friend Birdgirl to watch Cass & we went. He worked too late for us to go to dinner, but the new cinema sells Sparro pizza so it was all good. Actually, the pizza was really bad but it was nice to get out. We were so worried about our little one, but she was an absolute angel for her auntie.  Birdgirl had to go to an appointment for an hour or so, so Cass stayed with her sister Gin and played with her two huskies.  Apparently they all had a great time.  Cass slept thru the night, so she must have had a bunch of fun!  Blixx & I even went out for a beer after the movie.  We were going to go parking, but Blixx had concerns about my fertility in his Jeep, as Cass is a product of us fooling around after a movie.  Ahh, memories!

Tonight I have a playdate with Callista & her son Josh, then we're going to go to a jazz concert in the park.  We'll probably meet Red & V there as well.  My mom is coming up either tomorrow or Saturday to see Cass.  Blixx is playing paintball & shooting video of it for a pilot show a friend is trying to put together. It's kinda like he's working, except he gets to run around with guns. Rough life.  We are supposed to see his Mom on Sunday to celebrate her birthday, so we'll see. 

Monday I'm starting my new assistant job, then Sherbear & FedExMan are up from Florida and coming over for dinner. No clue what we're having, as they are both picky eaters & allergic to tons of stuff. Crapass.  But they are bringing their daughter H, who I haven't seen since she was 6 months old.  I can't wait to give Sher a big hug! I miss her terribly, as my cell bill can attest.  I've got to get my car in for an oil change - 3000 miles already - and get a hair cut. Doesn't sound like much, but with a kid it means schedule rangling up the wazzoo.

Speaking of wazzoo, I can smell my daughter all the way downstairs, which means whatever funky dinner she ate with Birdgirl has been processed and it awaiting my removal. Ahh, the joys of having a little one. Must go put on my HazMat suit and get into it.

Have a lovely weekend and I'll try to be back soon.

Weekend Recap

So, the Celtic music festival ended up being lame. Man, am I glad I didn't have to pay to get in.  We walked around a lot, which was good for my fat ass. I gave away the other 3 tix I had at the gate, making a family really really happy. I bumped into them again later & the dad dude bought me icecream as thanks.  So much for the excersize.  Cass really enjoyed the sheep herding demo and got to pet the dogs when they were done, which made her day.  She did not like the sheep however, but is a fan of ponys. I would have done the pony ride, but they wouldn't let me in the ring with her and I didn't want to push her, after a long day.  The music was for the most part disapointing.  I really wanted to groove.

Yesterday was Grips party and there were jello shots. I had to take it easy cuz I had Cass to worry about. Blixx got there late, but he made it and even met some of the folks I drink with on Tuesdays at Vincent's.  I got to see little Quint, who really isn't that little. He's only 7 weeks old and already over 12 lbs. Meaty little arms & legs, but so super cute.  Flyboy was cute with him too.  I guess the brothers are really big softies at heart.

Today we are heading to Target to grab some crap I probably don't need, and the laundry detergent that I do in fact need.  Then it's off for a picnic at the playground.  I think I'll go to Rocketland and walk the track a few times.  I lost 3lbs last week by eating small lunches, mostly lean cuisine, and getting out and walking around the city at lunch.  I'd like to keep it up cuz I still jiggle in the middle.

Since Grips wife is away, I expect he'll be over tonight for dinner.  I'll make burritos. Yummy, and his wife won't have to face his explosive gas. Course, that means Blixx & I will be stinking up the joint, but at least we're in it together.

What does the rest of the week hold in store?  Well, I've got to take my car in for its first oil change and to have them look at some stuff.  My mom hasn't seen the baby in over a week, so she'll be chomping at the bit to get her hands on Cass.  I've got a playdate with Callista & little Josh on Thursday, which we'll follow with the jazz concert at the park.  There's some guitar dude playing for kids at the library tomorrow which I want to try to catch - see if she likes it.  Not sure about the weekend coming up...Blixx is doing paintball on Saturday.  I think his Mom is coming up on Sunday. Yeah.

ahh high school

Take the What High SchoolStereotype Are You? quiz.

some recent observations

On the way out the other night, I took a shortcut thru a less than savory section of Worcester.  As I'm waiting for the light & hoping I don't get shot, I look over & see a maybe 2 yr old boy climbing on a shopping cart. It only took him a second to knock it over on top of himself.  As he's screaming bloody murder (fell on sidewalk!) his 'mother' comes over, grabs his arm in that way mom's haul kids, and starts screaming at him "What did I tell you? Stop being stupid or you'll get hurt! You deserve more than a bump on the head! Quit your yelling & go play!" She then let go of the screaming child and went into the house, leaving him on the street sniffling. 

I observed in my rearview that he was right back screwing around with the shopping cart again.

Horrifying that a mom would care so little.

________________

Working the front desk of the station, I meet all sort of interesting folks.  Characters even.

Yesterday a cute guy came in to pick up some movie tickets he'd won. As I'm getting his loot together, he tells me that he had just found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He went to suprise her  and saw her getting out of his friends car, in his friends boxers.  He waited until she got into the house, then knocked & asked her what was up.  She said 'nuthin'. He asked where she'd been. She said home alone. He asked about the boxers. She said they were his.  Unfortunately, his friend's name was written on the waistband.

He's got to wait around for a while to get his prize so I sit his overly emotional ass down in the lobby to wait.  We listen to WXLO here by my desk and the station proceeded to play 6 love songs in a row. All kinds of love em & leave em, heartbreaker songs. I swear to you that the dude was misting up. This big cute dude misting up in the lobby of a business cuz we were playing sappy love songs.  Struck me as funny/sad.

_________________________

Had a guy tell me that I'm so cheerful on the phone that he wanted to marry me.  Or give me a ride on his Harley. Either one, he wasn't a picky man.

Grrrrr Arg

So, Blixx said he was going to get the taxes done this week. He didn't.  Yeah, thats right, our taxes aren't done yet.  Actually, they are, but since he didn't get time to go over my work, he filed an extension. We're getting money back and he's taking his sweet ass time to get them done. Didn't even turn the computer on.

He said he was going to back up all of our pictures to CD too. Nope.

Blixx said he'd put up Cassidy's pool this week. As of a few minutes ago, not done. 

No movement has been made on putting up the shed either.  Last I heard, he was waiting on Grip's schedule for assistance. F THAT!!!  He can dig holes for the foundation, he can do SOMETHING.

ARGARGARG

This has been a broadcast from the angry wife network. Please continue about your business.

this is what i'm doing at work - hehe

Lactating Barbie?  What the fuck is wrong with you?
Snap out of it and kill the kid while you still
can!

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quiz
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Freelance Personal Assistant

So, I got another job yesterday!  Yep, the GM here at the station hooked me up with a woman who is running an advertising business, Vision Advertising,  out of her home & needs help getting out from under paperwork hassles.  It's $10/hour under the table & I can make my own hours, probably like 10-12 per week, which is perfect!  She seems a little wingy but it's worth checking out. It's right here in Worcester so no commute which kicks butt. I've got to say, driving downtown Worcester to work has been awesome for me - no highway traffic hassles. After driving 495 to Taunton every day, it's a cake walk.  Woo Hoo!!!  I start the first week in August - wish me luck.
 
Just last week, it was looking like July was going to be a bleek month for Blixx & work, but that has changed. He's doing work with the Daily Show for the Democratic National Convention on Saturday & Sunday, then working the rest of the week at Northeastern University doing some nursing videos.  From 0 to 7 days of work just like that!  What stinks is that I93 is being shut down for the convention, during hot commute times so the traffic is going to be spectacular. He has to be in town at 7:30am M-F, which means he'll be leaving the house at like 5am!  No kidding - I'd bet it'll take him over 2 hours to make a 50 mile drive into Beantown.  Ridiculous traffic closings, parking nightmares...welcome democrats! 
 
Blixx is busy, but I'm going to scam some free tickets to the Celtic Music Festival in Sutton this weekend from the station. Sunday Grips is having a BBQ to celebrate his wife & daughter heading to Hershey for a long weekend.  I am apparently his stunt wife, & I'm supposed to take care of cleaning up the house, food prep etc.  He & I really need to talk about this, cuz as I tell him pretty regularly - I'm not your wife!  And, I don't clean.  I MAKE messes.  He does have a point in that he can't take care of himself, so I expect he'll be around for dinners on Mon & Tues after work, unless he chooses to live on frozen pizza at home.

Sweet Sleeping Baby

So, I've been at the radio station & Blixx has been on FT baby duty. On Tuesday, he took our little one to the local playground to romp for a while.  They have this toddler section with a dinosaur shaped jungle gym thingie. On the side of it, is a plexyglass bubble that Cass invariably gets a kick out of.  So, she's in there and laughing her ass off at Blixx, who is making faces at her thru the glass.  He sees her rubbing her eyes & making fuss noises...then she just curled up righ there against the bubble, amid the noise of other children playing, and fell into a deep sleep!  Blixx was kicking himself that he didn't have the camera handy cuz it was the cutest thing any of the parents at the playground had ever seen.  That's my girl!

Workin Woman Again

So, I'm back at the radio station this week & it's wonderful. Not just because the people are so nice & it's such a casual atmosphere, but because I'm out of the house.  I guess I really need to get back to work again, I think it's time.  I need the praise of a job well done, the ability to talk to people about things other than diapers.  Gunna have to talk to the hubby about going back, even just part time cuz I feel better about myself getting back in the working world, even just for these past two days.
 
Cass was a bear to poor Blixx yesterday - all sorts of fussy and difficult.  I guess she's better today. He took her to the park which should make for a happier little one. And perhaps she'll sleep better, as she was up twice in the night & at 7am this morning.  Crap, I had to work & I got to sleep until 8am!
 
I haven't posted in a while because a keylogger program infiltrated our PC and screwed up a while bunch of systems. Blixx was finally able to fix it, but it was wierd & I just chose not to use the PC. I mean, everything I type is posted online so I guess I shouldn't worry like that, but it was just a wierd situation. 
 
Cassidy's birthday party went well, although some well meaning friends overstayed their welcome & used our recycle bin as a diaper pail.  We went camping at Wells State Park for July4th & had a great time. We took Cass in the kayak for the first time & it went really well!  I'll post pictures for you all next week some time.
 
I've spent some serious time gardening around the house & it looks great!  I've built up the garden on the side of the house so when you're driving up it looks wonderful. I'm so proud.  Who knew that I'd get fulfillment from digging in the dirt.
 
I'm sure I'll post again this week, as it's not incredibly busy around the office.  I'm on AIM all day so please please please feel free to drop me a line to say hello.

Jaguar

Jaguar Spirit Calls To You!
Jaguar's Wisdom
Includes:

Seeing the roads within chaos
Understanding the patterns of chaos
Moving without fear in the darkness
Facilitating soul work
Empowering oneself
Moving in unknown places
Shapeshifter
Psychic sight

If you enjoyed this quiz, please rate and I may
do another!
Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?
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Magdalen

Your medieval name is: Magdalen. Out of conformity
and inducing sexual meaning, you're seductive
and passionate, silent until spoken to and only
violet when provoked. Gorgeous and mysterious,
you've got it all.

What is your Medieval name?
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Per Tempest's Request:

Tempest is doing some research & asked for the following information:

Your top five most romantic movies:
1) LadyHawke
2) Romancing the Stone
3) Moonstruck
4) Krull
5) The Princess Bride
*disclamer - there are plenty of classic movies out there that fit the bill nicely, however I chose a more modern aspect. Don't think that I'm dissing Casablanca or anything like that!

Your top five best on-screen kisses:
1) Ladyhawke - Rutger Hauer & Michelle Phiffer
2) Cruel Intentions - Sarah Michelle Gellar & Selma Blair
3) Bound - Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly
4) Breakfast Club - Judd Nelson & Molly Ringwald
5) Wild Things - Neve Cambell, Matt Dillon & that other chick

Top Five Romantic Songs:
1) Dave Matthews Band "Where are you Going?"
2) Dido - "Here With Me"
3) Lenny Kravitz - "I Belong to You"
4) Toni Braxton "Unbreak my Heart"
5) Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"

Top five things you do when you flirt:
There really aren't five to mention. I guess eye contact is a big thing, with a smile & maybe a blush. Yeah, that would get the message across. Footsie works...or maybe I should say the accidental touch, a brush of an arm or whatever that sets the skin tingling.

Top five things that you like the opposite sex to do when they flirt with you.
see above

Cassidy's Big Day

Cass turns 1 year old today. I think we're going to go get her a walker toy today as a gift. Shhh don't tell her.

We're having a big party for her on Saturday. You're all invited. I've been running around like a loon trying to get the house & yard ready for the big event. I mean, I almost forgot to order the cake, can you believe it? Most of the party will be outside, but it's a great excuse to clean up the place, especially the upstairs. I keep downstairs looking good, for the most part, then we crap all over the office & our bedrooms constantly. It's ridiculous.

Sunday is fathers day & we're going to a BBQ over at Grips. Flyboy, D & baby Q will be there too. I'm so psyched to meet the little guy. I got Blixx a HUGE picnic table for his first gift, but Cass insisted that I pick him up something else too. He'll be psyched! Its something he's been wanting for a while. I've still got to pick up some gifts for the other fathers that I know, just something small to let them know we care.

My lot in life

I guess is cuz I asked for it that I'm so damn mad at myself. It's not just that I didn't go out last night cuz Blixx was sick. I mean, he can't help being sick, right? And he tried real hard when Cass was up crying. It's just that there were a lot of people to take care of yesterday & none of them were me.

When is my time? When do I get to be alone? When do I get taken care of?

Blixx is encouraging me to take a few days. He's worried about me & rightly so. I'm all over the place again. My highs are too high & my lows are way down low. He wants me to get away but I just don't know where to go or what to do. I'd be on my own, since all my friends have work or are broke or have families they have to take care of. I'd go see SherBear in FL but she's got a rug rat of her own so it would be trading one crying baby for another. Might as well bring Cass with me if I go there.

I don't know what I want any more. I thought it was to be a stay at home mom. I thought I'd be ok with it, but the lonliness is taking it's toll. I've never been a carreer girl but I'm thinking maybe getting a PT job will do me some good, get me out of the house & let me feel like I'm contributing. But then theres the guilt of leaving her in daycare. And the added pressure a job would bring. Do I really need someone else to answer to?

My friend asked me if I was running away. Yeah, I'd love to. But as he pointed out you can't get away from your own head.

Today I am...

Today I am
A small blue thing
Like a marble
Or an eye

With my knees against my mouth
I am perfectly round
I am watching you

I am cold against your skin
You are perfectly reflected
I am lost inside your pocket
I am lost against
Your fingers

I am falling down the stairs
I am skipping on the sidewalk
I am thrown against the sky

I am raining down in pieces
I am scattering like light
Scattering like light
Scattering like light

Today I am
A small blue thing
Made of china
Made of glass

I am cool and smooth and curious
I never blink
I am turning in your hand
Turning in your hand
Small blue thing

*********************************

You ever feel like you've given up? Like you wake up & all of a sudden you realize you've been walking through your life as if it were a dream? A really mundane dream.

I'm feeling really emotionally detached lately. Hard to explain any other way, I'm just not fully 'in the moment.' It's probably all the diapers & unspecific needs from Cass wearing me down. It's probably the relative isolation of being a stay at home mom.

Lord knows that Blixx has been doing everything in his power to make me happy. He's working tons lately, which brings the bucks rolling in. He's been working on the yard & doing stuff around the house when he can. He plays with Cass when he comes home & gives me a little much needed break. He let me sleep in the other morning until 10am, & wouldn't have woken me except I'd invited a bunch of friends over to the house & it was a stye. He has been a prolific, attentive & creative lover. I see how hard he's trying & I'm still sad.

I've got to snap out of this funk I'm in. He's doing everything right, everything I thought I wanted. I thought it was him, but it must be me.

Caught a life there for a second

Yesterday was a super busy day, by my standards. I drove to meet Tempest (alas Jacknife & BoogieShoes couldn't make it) at the WestFarms Mall in Ct for lunch. We were going to eat at the Rainforest Cafe but little Cass had other ideas. She flipped her lid - total sensory overload. I think the moving gorilla right next to the table pushed her over the brink. So we relocated to the California Pizza kitchen & had a lovely lunch there instead.

We then went on a smelly wiffy binge that took us not only to Yankee Candle, but to Bath & Bodyworks too. Woo Hoo on the clearence sale there. Yeah Haw! My house smells less like ass than it has in a while. :)

It was great to see Tempest & we've decided to meet up for lunch or whatever at least once a month. She looks terrific & I'm terribly jealous over the pictures of the cruise.

After being stuck in traffic in Hartford (what was I thinking leaving at 5pm?!?) I popped by my house briefly to pick up a very tired Blixx, then off we went to Toad's house for dinner. We were supposed to have a slide show of Colorodo pics, but as usual dinner was at a late hour & we ran out of time. Birdgirl & I departed at around 10 to meet up with Grips et al at Ralphs for (more than a) few pops. We closed the place down & when I got home at 2am Blixx was passed out on the couch. He was waiting up for me, the sweetie. I really wish he could sleep without me being around. It would make me less guilty for going out so late with my friends. I met some new folks & talked about things not related to babies & had an all around lovely evening.

Needless to say, when Cass awoke at 630am, I was dead dog tired & really happy that she went back to sleep until 9am. I was bushed.

Today Cass & I went pricing a picnic table & purchased a badmitton/volleyball net, which I can't wait to try out. I also picked up a blow up pool for Cass in the backyard, which should be a hoot. It's got all sorts of areas & a slide. Heck, on a hot day like today I would certainly be in it with her. Unfortunately, we were delayed shopping so I didn't have time to get it up for her today.

It occurs to me that Cass's birthday party is rapidly approaching & I have a great deal to do if I'm going to have all those people over to the house. I'll need the office to be in good shape, since it's the guest room & I'll have guests! Yikes! Paper plates! Burger meat - how many burgers do I need? Where shall I get the cake from? Crap lots to do. Then there's father's day.

From the mouths of babes...

How do you answer a 4 yr old when she asks "Auntie Chynakatt, what does a C-section feel like?"

Grips brother Flyboy & his girlfriend D had a baby boy yesterday. His name is Quint & he was 10lbs 4oz. Nope, that's not a typo. Big baby boy! She was in labor for like 28 hours & had all sorts of problems, so they finally had to give her a c-section. She even had to be put out on general anesthesia for the operation - we're not sure why. In any case, baby is fine, although he's in ICU to monitor for possible infection, as mom got some sort of uterine infection. The poor girl - she'd wanted to go all natural birth & she probably couldn't have gotten any farther from it. But toast to the new little man in the world & keep fingers crossed that all will go well for mom & babe in the next few days.

V was concerned about her auntie D & thought to ask me about it, as her mom explained that I'd had a c-section & that Cass & I were both fine. That kid floors me with her insight.

Add this to the epiphany list

I need to spend less time worrying about what I don't have, but rather use that time to be thankful for what I do have.

Cassidy Camping Pictures

Click to check out a few choice shots from our recent trip. More to be posted soon.
All photos by Grips.

Cassidy Camping

My little girl is wonderful! She had a ton of fun camping. The first night in the tent was rough, probably due to the wind noise, but after that she slept like a log through the nights. She crawled around & ate what I'm sure is a ridiculous amount of dirt & pine needles.

She hung out in the playpen with little J, Dougma & Callista's 7 month old, or just followed us around crawling fast as she can.

Grip's daughter V even earned some money taking care of her. She wants very much to be a big sister & asked politely if she could hold Cass, so I said yes. She picked her up & carried her like a champ! It was precious! V played the harmonica for Cass, who started dancing even.

We are so close to walking! She managed to stand up on her own, without support of any kind, twice!

I'll be posting pictures of our adventures shortly.

Memorial Day Camp Adventure

Friday AM: We eat breakfast, shower, bath the baby...and it's before 10am! We actually got on the road to start our journey at noon, which is an amazing feat. We're never this together. We keep thinking that we've forgotten something. It's raining, but the forcast says it's going to clear. Grips is about 1 hour ahead of us & calls to say that he's in clear weather.

Friday Afternoon: We arrive & begin to set up camp. Our site is right on the water & beautiful! Cass has slept the whole trip out there so she's ready to rock & roll. As Blixx is setting up our new screanhouse, a black cloud comes overhead. I hear "Get up to Grips' camp now. RUN!" I grab Cass & head up the hill, just in time to duck my head in their already built screanhouse before it starts to POUR. It was a quick shower, but intense. Blixx refused to give in to the weather gods & remained out in the wind & rain setting up our camp. What a provider!

Friday Evening: Camp got set up without further incident. There's no more rain, but it's windy as hell at our site, so we migrate to Grip's site to cook dinner & hang out before bedtimes. Grips wife Red (formerly Teacher) made an amazing pasta sause so we all ate that until we were ready to pop. Then came the smores. MMMMMmmmmmm.

Friday Late Night: After putting Cass & Victoria to bed, the real party began. I'd brought a magnum of champagne to celebrate the start of the family camping season & it was awesome! We passed it around, while still drinking beers & smoking whatever was handy. It ended up being me & the boys drinkin late night which is fine by me. DrJim & HighOctane both retired early for the evening, as did Birdgirl. I ended up being the last one out at the fire, making sure it was safe for the night. Still windy, it was beautiful & quiet & peaceful. Of course, Cass woke in the night & was a little freaked that we were outside, but she settled into our armpits & got some rest, finally. I was all shitty, as it was Blixx's night to 'deal' with Cass, but I helped out anyway. He took her to the Jeep to settle her down, then was all like where were you...I was passing out in the tent, dude. Duh!

Saturday: After a huge breakfast, we ate a huge lunch. Then the boys went kayaking (too windy for the canoe, dammit)& we ladies took long naps with our little ones. After naptime, it was our turn to cook so Blixx broke out with the swordfish stirfry & we ate until we were ready to pop, again. Then smores, again. Tadpole & his family came to visit, as well as some of Grip's friends from church. As we're eating dinner, a Ranger comes by to ask us if we'd seen a little girl who was missing from camp. Nope, but we'd give a look around.

Here's where the drama starts. It seems that when the Ranger had stopped at Toad's site, he'd seen the big box of booze & told them it had to be dumped out, as there's a no booze rule at state camp grounds. DrJim gave him some crap, but the Ranger moved on to look for the kid. Later that same evening, another Ranger stopped at their site to verify the empty bottles. Problem is that DrJim (shitfaced already at like 9pm) had just put the box in his car & kept drinking. He mouthed off to the Rangers saying if they were going to keep giving him shit, he'd just drive off if that's what they wanted. I could hear him yelling to the Rangers. His wife is no help either, being that she was hammered as well & trying to negotiate over the booze. Toad was just keeping his head down & stash hidden.

A little while later, the actual police arrive to interview DrJim. He was still lit up & still a loud mouth drunk & still obnoxios to the cops. They were called cuz he had threatened to drive intoxicated. What a fricking fiasco. No arrest was made, thank god, but it was a horrible scene. We all stayed at our sites with our kids, keeping watch with fingers crossed.

Saturday late night: After the kids went to bed, the party was supposed to move to Toad's site, as they had all sorts of cocktails planned. I was a little bummed, as I had to stay at our site to hear the baby, but I figured I'd make a fire & just chill. I also figured that the boys would come visit every now & again. So off they all went. I didn't even have time to get the fire going to my liking, when Blixx & Grips returned saying that DrJim was out of control & that they just wanted some mellow. Cool by me. We did what we do everynight around here, we drank & smoked & told bs stories until late into the evening.

Sunday morning, before coffee: I'm sleeping soundly, baby tucked in my armpit, when I hear "Good Morning! Rangers! I need to speak with Chynakatt, please!" I crawl out of the tent, bleery eyed. You see, the camp site that Toad was staying on had been reserved in my name. He had been out of town when it became available & we knew that we all wanted to camp together, so I just went ahaed & reserved it for him. After all of the drama of the night before, it didn't even occur to me that I could be screwed in any way. Well, it seems I could have been held responsible.
I was totally cool with the Ranger as he explaned that Toad, Birdgirl, DrJim & HighOctane were being asked to leave immediately. I told the Ranger that I completely understood, however I wasn't involved in the drama as I have an 11 month old who I was taking care of. I think I also got points for interupting his tale to ask if the little girl had been found (yep). He said we could be evicted as well and wanted to know if we had any alchohol over on our site. I was honest & said we had some beers. I was counting on the fact that we hadn't restocked to cooler & woo hoo I was right, only 6 in there so I pulled them out for the Ranger. I just told him that we were here with kids & after they went to bed we sat around & had a few beers quietly. He thanked me for being honest & said that we could stay & that he wouldn't fine me for being the person who's name was on the idiots site, or for having beers. He also said he'd be watching us for the rest of our stay & that if he had to come out for any problems, we'd be out on our asses as well. Roger that.

Disaster averted.

DrJim gave a weak apology to Blixx. HighOctane actually tried to defend DrJim to me, to which I held up my hand & walked away. I am so done with those two. They have problems with their marriage, are both going through midlife crisis & bring all this harsh energy to the table when we really just want to relax. It was a shame that Birdgirl & Toad had to leave as well, but since they were the idiots who invited DrJim in the first place, I suppose it was fitting.

Sunday afternoon: I got some coffee, which was excellent. We ate & ate & then ate some more, then we ladies headed out on a kayak adventure. Red, Callista & I piled into the boats and went for a nice long trip around the campground & down to the boat launch. There were a lot of powerboats out on the water, so the wakes were intense to paddle over. Very much like the ocean. Callista isn't an accomplished paddler, but she held her own. Red was having the time of her life playing in the waves - she was like a little kid, & it was wonderful to see her that relaxed. We ate some more when we came back, then it was kids to bed.

Sunday Late Night: The only difference was that we poured our beers into cups and had empty ginger ale cans as props in case the Rangers stopped by. They never stopped, but they dir several drive bys to check on us. Blixx, Dougma & Grips went out on a late night kayak trip & I was so jealous, as the wind had died down & the water was like glass. It was so beautiful. There was some sort of a dance at the private camp ground across the way, so we could hear music drifting across the lake...then they had fireworks! I LOVE FIREWORKS!! I stayed behind at camp & had a huge bonfire by myself & ate like 10 marshmellows & enjoyed the solitude. After the boys left Blixx & I watched the moon set & had a little fun of our own, wink wink nudge nudge.

Monday: We packed up & left. We all stopped for breakfast then headed home. We were going to stop & try to paddle a bit on the way home, but the weather started to look grim so we said eff it and went home. Man o Man I was psyched to see my home shower & kitty cats. I had a ton of fun, but it was good to be home.

Death in the Family

My Aunt Gail, my mom's sister, past away this week. She was almost 60 and had lived her life in a wheelchair, due to a spinal disease that rendered her legs useless. My mother called hysterical to tell me this news, & about how she is attending the memorial in Maryland next week, and wants to say a few words.

Ok, here's the thing. Gail had a temper and would mouth off all the time to my grandmother. They had a HUGE fight like 15 years ago and Nanny told her to never talk to her again. So she didn't. Being stubborn runs in the family too. My mom & my aunt cut off contact as well. Gail was very active with the Salvation Army, as they had done a great job of raising her & making her more able bodied. Thru them she had many friends, one of whom invited her to move to Baltimore with his family. She did & has lived there quite happily ever since, having no contact with our family. After Nanny passed, Gail made some calls to try to contact my mom & Alice, both directly & through the lawyers but they kept their distance, fearing that she would contest the will (Which left her nothing).

After all this time my mother is beside herself, probably guilt ridden that she didn't make contact sooner. I think its hypocritical for her to speak at the service, as she really made no effort to be a part of her sisters life these last years. It's empty sentiment years too late.

Please raise a glass of choice beverage to my aunt Gail, who was stronger than any of us will ever be, just by getting out of bed in the morning.

Camping!!!

We're camping Memorial Day weekend at Tolland State Park in East Otis Ma, out in the Berkshires. I am so totally psyched to camp I am bouncing up & down. It's been way too long since I've been able to put my feet up round the fire and relax.

I was all psyched to bring my new car, but alas the roof rack isn't sturdy enough for the canoe so it seems we'll be all jammed in to the Jeep. Blixx was talking about maybe bringing two cars but I think that's a little overboard. Besides, I don't want to drive out there by myself. Then again, it could be a relaxing ride. Whatever, there are still plenty of things left to be decided.

Blixx has been working pretty much non-stop since returning from Colorodo, which is good for the bank account but stressful for us. He's used to being the big plan man for camping, & I've had to take on a bit of that responsibility. I told him that I'd take care of the food, which is usually definately his and only his job, so I ordered up a while bunch of Omaha Steaks and whatnot. It will all be prepackaged and delicious. I also went out & got us a screen house, which he says is too small but I beg to differ. I've been pulling all of our gear out from the basement and getting it together - we are bringing only what we absolutely need and not one thing more.

Traveling with Cass is going to be interesting. This will be her first camp adventure and I'm curious to see how she'll do. She's been sick this past week and I've got my fingers crossed that she's all better before we leave, or this whole thing could blow up in our faces. She has a cold, with a scratchy throat & a cough that comes deep from her little baby toes. Poor dear cries after she coughs becasue it hurts. I've got her heavily medicated and she's looking better already today, so I think we'll be in the clear. The weather report is looking pretty good too.

I'm off to go make lists and lists of things we need (tent...duh) and maximize my time while Cass sleeps off her illnes. I figure I've got an hour or so before she wakes up from her nap.

NO MORE SHOTS!!! alt title: OW MY STINKIN HEAD!!

I've really got to stop this bullshit. I went out last night to Vincent's with Grips & Beano and proceeded to get shitfaced...again. I'm a 3 beer kind of girl...yet I had 4 beers & a couple shots. It's like a race - how to get hammered as soon as possible, like I'm never going to be able to go out ever again. I tell myself that I'm not going to do it, then whamo I'm closing down the joint, after Blixx was clear that he wanted me home earlier rather than later.

I'm running away from my responsibilities & using the booze as an excelerant. I get all sloppy & drive home, which is horrible. I should be more responsible - I've got a baby to take care of & I need to quit putting her out of my mind, even for a minute. I need to find a way to go out & have fun, without putting my life in jeapordy.

Cass was awake when I got home, which means Blixx didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep before he had to work all day today. I heard her & came running, but Blixx was already in her room. I don't think he wanted my drunk ass handling the baby. God, how horrible is that? What the hell kind of mother am I?

He was in a piss poor mood when he arrived last night, nit picking & grumpy, so I can only imagine what I have in store for me this evening. He asked me to promise not to smoke any cigs while I was out & I blew that too. I complain that we're not communicating, meanwhile I'm running away like a petulant child.

No more shots. I'm staying away from the hard stuff for a good long time because it leads to nothing but trouble. And I don't think I'll be going out again for a while - let things cool down a bit before suggesting a night on the town. Let this self loathing settle down before going another round.

Man, I'm disapointed in myself.

Bitches...

Tempest & Jacknife are off on their grand adventure. I am very very envious of them, right now. It's put me in a decidedly grumpy mood just thinking about it.

Bitches...

Quiet Waters run deep

Rather than keep being mad at Blixx without him having a clue why, I decided to ask for what I wanted, which was a day off. I was mad that he didn't offer, but rather than sit around & be pissed I asked him to take Cass off for the day or whatever, & I took off. It was totally the right decision - he got a clue what was going on in my head & I got what I wanted, which was OUT.

I borrowed Teacher's kayak & headed off to Rutland State Park for a few hours of fun in the sun. It was heavenly. While loading the boat in the AM it was raining and I almost scrapped the whole idea, but I decided that I wouldn't have a chance to take off on my own for a while & to go for it. I actually felt guilty for not staying home & cleaning/laundry/whatever that needed doing...screw that! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME time. I always forget that it's ok to pamper myself every now & again.

Boy, did I need that. It was so peaceful on the water...birds chirping, turtles sunning themselves everywhere, fish all over the place. I needed to be alone with no one to worry about except myself. Even the voices in my head quieted down so I could relax.

Ok, so I got a sunburn & my arms are killing me from paddling to hard, & so I scratched my new car getting the boat loaded. It was still worth it.

On Saturday Cass went out in the canoe with us for the first time and was awesome. She didn't fuss, except when we put sun lotion on her. Other than that, she just layed back in my arms and took it all in stride. She's so wonderful to travel with. We went to Buffumville Lake & paddled out to an island to have a picnic lunch. It was a wonderful day. She even took a nap in the sun on the paddle back to the dock. We topped it off by playing miniature golf. The only thing that could have made it perfect would have been to get icecream, but it was already late so we had to go home.

Don't think I haven't been pondering Tempest & Jacknife's cruise. Oh yes, I am green with envy. I shoulda said FIT and bought a ticket. Damn it, I'm a dumbass. Seriously, I just wish we could have swung me being able to go. But, Blixx is working all week & that is a very good thing for us. Unfortunately, that leaves me on FT Cass duty, & it means that I can't go out this Tuesday night, cuz he'll be working late.

Music baby

With the cd player in my car, I'm able to visit strange places in my head with the push of a button. I've always loved this song & some days it speaks to me more than others.

Just Wait

If ever you are feeling like you're tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill

I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you were alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home


Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If you think I've given up on you you're crazy
And if you think I don't love you well then you're just wrong
In time you might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And you appetit for pain might all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to you face
There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

Broken

I broke the shower massager while Blixx was in Colorodo. It would only work on the super pulse...just the way I like it.

He was on to me in a second, and after a nice hearty laugh between us we went to Home Depot & picked out a replacement.

Stand Down

I've definately chilled out since Blixx has come home, and that is awesome news. Looking back, I was really off the deep end there for a while. Thanks to those who listened.

I'm fine as long as I'm not in my own head poking around, looking for trouble. I am the queen of overanalyzing and obsessing. Give me something little and I'll tear it apart until I turn it all around. Give me something big and damn, hold on to your hat. It's all I can do to function some days, with all the screaming and panic going on in my head. Seriously, there's a lot going on.

But, our communication has been better since he's been home & we've managed some quality time that I will remember for a while, so it's all good there.

I'm just a wacko.

He's back & I'm better

Blixx has returned from his adventure unscathed and I am all the better for it. He had a wonderful time - I'll probably post some pictures one of these days.

I was a little on edge there for a while. Irrational fears like "will he still love me when he gets back?" & "is he the same man I fell in love with?"

What it boils down to is that nothing has changed by him going or returning. It's all just the same and it is what it is.

I'm really glad that he's home with us.

Late Night Epiphany

I need to open my mouth and make myself heard. I need to keep at it until we're on the same page. I will work to make myself understood, and put in the same effort in trying to understand other's points of view.

I am barely responsible to my own mental state, let alone someone elses. I can't fix anyone but myself. I can just listen and try to understand.

It's not a competition. It's all about teamwork. Everone gets a turn at the good the bad & the ugly. We all work very hard at what we do. We just need to be sure that we have the same goals.

Cass comes first, no matter what so we need to keep our shit together. Period. We need to set a good example and give her everything she needs to be happy and healthy in mind & body. We are in it for the long haul and it's only going to be more difficult. Face it head on and embrace the challenge. It will never be about just me ever again.

I can't just give as I get. I've got to rise to the occasion & give my best to all. I need to give second chances.

I am a strong independant woman, but sometimes I need to feel that I'm being taken care of. I need security to build trust, in myself and in others. I need to be able to stop worrying and relax back, knowing that its ok. I can't be too proud to ask for help when I need it.

I need to get emotional sometimes. I need to let go of the anger and resentment before it eats me alive. I need to feel joy.

We all have our monsters to deal with. No one is perfect. I'm not the only one who can't sleep tonight.

It is ok that people love me. I am worthy.

Family are those who love you without judgement. Those who support you no matter what. They dont have to be blood relatives to be held close to the heart. Accept them for who they are.

Overthinking

I've had a lot of time to think while Blixx has been on his grand adventure and I've got to really make some changes in my life to make myself happy. And I can't wait for someone else to tell me it's ok.

That's ok, right?

Work is a drag...and it's over

In other news, the temp thing at the radio station seems to be more temp than I thought, considering they cut me loose after this week. Well, they asked me to be receptionist again, but I can’t while Blixx is gone so oh well. When he returns from his journey we can have a talk about me working part time somewhere. It’s not even about the $$, although I’d like to be able to make at least my own car payment and insurance per month – not a stretch goal, but it’s more about me getting out of the house and involving myself in the world outside of Homemakerville. I’ve really enjoyed getting out and I think Blixx is much more empathetic to me since he’s spent so much more time with Cass. Now he knows how hard it is to get things done, keep a clean house, take a shower, take a shit uninterupted etc. It’s really hard to keep up momentum when she comes crawling or rolling into the bathroom and stares at you while you pinch a loaf.

Give it to Cassidy, she'll eat anything!

Cass is getting really big and not only does she crawls like a demon, but she is pulling herself up on things now. I dozed on the couch the other morning and she pulled herself up to poke me in the eye when she was hungry. Self serve! Blixx is so sure that she’ll walk for the first time while he’s gone, but I think she’ll wait for him, considering she’s only really been crawling for a month now. Late bloomer. She is into everything and despite the gates in the house, gets around very well. She loves pulling all of my cookbooks from the shelf in the kitchen when she’s ‘helping’ me cook. She was in the dining room the other day and pulled wallpaper off the wall & ate it, plaster still attached. Outside she eats grass. Inside she’d much rather find and consume the cat toys, rather than the million or so baby toys lying around. Some moms I’ve talked to say that they have a problem getting their kids to eat – not my girl! She’ll eat anything. My friend’s son is 7 months old and only eats rice cereal, and fights it the whole way. Cass’s new favorites include Goldfish and smoked turkey, but she had corn fritters and prime rib last night with no problemo. Granted, she eats small amounts at a time, but the only thing she’s ever turned down definitively has been broccoli, and who can blame the girl, right?

I swear that next week I will post new pictures of the little miss.

Colorodo or bust! Blixx, that is...

Blixx leaves for Colorado tomorrow. We’re going to go out for an early dinner then drive him into Boston. Damn, I hate driving around Logan Airport, but it was the cheapest flight so I guess it’s worth the hassle. He's flying to Denver then renting a car and spending a day driving through the Rockies to meet up with his buddies in Durango. While there, they will climb a mountain, hike all over & kayak/camp on a river, probably the Colorado or Dolores, depending on weather. I mean, imagine floating a river during the day, then setting up camp and sleeping next to it. I’m so jealous of the experience! Then he and Toad will set out and drive the trip back, camping on the way and meeting up with Toad’s sister to kayak in Ohio for a few days. He’ll be gone until May 9th, which happens to be Mother’s Day, and god help him if he isn’t home before midnight. Not sure what I’ll do for that day, probably take my mother out to lunch or something. If I really wanted to push it, I could take Blixx’s mom out too, but I’m not that crazy I don’t think. Or I’ll just sit around and wait impatiently for his return. That sounds about right.

What will I be doing to amuse myself for 2 weeks, other than changing shitty diapers and chasing my little rugrat around? Well, we have a baby shower to go to on Saturday for Grips brother’s (bastard!!) baby. Sunday we’ll hang around the house, then Monday – Wednesday we’re heading up to NH to stay with my mother & her Dick at the timeshare they have. THAT will be a clusterfuck, since MK and her kids will be there too, but what the hell, right? Grandma will watch the kid and I can take a nice long drive / walk / whatever by myself. OOOOOh, I can bring Toad’s kayak (he won’t miss it, being in CO & all) and take a nice paddle one day. Excellent, I love it when a plan comes together.

The following weekend we’ve got a carnival thingie at Holy Cross College with Grips family, & I think I’m going to invite Tempest & Jacknife up for the one of those days. (If you’re reading this, wanna come up?) I’m also trying to get a chicks only kayak trip together with Birdgirl & Teacher, but I’ve got to find someone to watch Cass for the day, which is a problem I’m still working on.

Isn't it Ironic?

So, we're on the way to pick up my new car, driving for the last time in the Cavalier. We're telling stories about the good times and travels we've had in the old girl, when I look at the gas gauge and notice that it's reading totally full. I ask Blixx if he took the car and filled it up for some reason, but he said no. I'd been running around town on a 1/4 tank for some time so it was weird that it was on full, but whatever, right?

We ran out of gas. On the way to the dealership to get the $300 trade in for the POS, she up and crapped out on us. A nice man gave us a push to a gas station, which was closed. So, we called Teacher & GeriDog to come with a gas can, but in the meantime we were able to find the gas station dude and beg him to turn the pumps back on.

After quite the adventure, we made it and picked up my BRAND NEW HYUNDAI SANTA FE. It’s got a moonroof and all the power options that I need and it’s comfy and I think I’m in love.

A Quickie

I'm working very part-time at that same radio station, this time as Assistant to the GM. It's pretty casual and since I'm a wiz at Excel, I am a goddess.

Cass is well. She crawls at light speed and pull sherself up on things. We went to CT for Easter with Mom & then stopped at Jacknife's and Tempest's houses. Tempest's dumb ass dog was wonderful with the baby, if not a touch too protective.

Got some $$ from inheritance and I'm buying a new Santa Fe. It's a shame that the only available one on the lot right now in the model that I need has a moon roof. Damn shame that, really. I actually got an auto loan all by myself too! My credit rating has definately benefited from home ownership and marrying Blixx. He married me for the family $ and I married him for his credit.

Nah, I love the guy. He's father of the year!

Cassidy Pictures

I've got some updated Cassidy pictures for you to check out.

Click HERE.

A river in Egypt

I've got this passive aggressive thing working for me, but that leaves me emotionaly adrift. I'm frayed around the edges and the threat of coming apart seems all the more real.
Some things are moving so slowly I fear they will stagnate for good. Others move by in a mind numbing blur.
I reach out, and sometimes there's nothing to hold on to.
Then I come to my senses, have a 'this is your life, so deal with it' moment and I'm back on track. Because I have to be.
I need to make some changes, but I'm not sure to begin.